…..Mr. James Breakwell….the founder of the legendary….Exploding Unicorn family humor project on Twitter….he tweets conversations he and his wife have had with his daughters…..and Bored Panda posted over 100 of them….I’m sharing my favorites….the rest you have to look up yourself….sit back and read this…..and parents…..yeah,….we know……anyway…..
7-year-old: You got a letter!
Me: It’s a bill – I owe money.
7 : Not if you throw it away
(She’s my financial planner now)
5-year-old:….Do I have to fall in love someday?
Me: No.
5 : Good. I have stuff to do.
7-year-old: Can we carve pumpkins?
Me: It’s too early. They’ll shrivel up and die
7 : Most things do when you stab them.
8-year-old: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.
Me: That’s not so bad. I write entire books.
8: Yeah, but this has to be good.
Me: Stop arguing with your sisters.
9-year-old:…I’m not arguing.
Me: Then what are you doing?
9:…Being right
9-year-old: I NEED ice cream
Me: Why?
9: Ice cream doesn’t need a reason
(She has a point)
(In the middle of church)
5-year-old: I have to go to the potty
Me: Why didn’t you go before church?
5: I wasn’t bored then.
Me: Wake up.
7-year-old: Pass
Me: I didn’t know that was an option.
9-year-old: Are you and mom ever going to have more kids?
Me: Isn’t four enough?
9: You could have stopped at one.
(8-year-old fights with her sisters)
Me: All right, who started it?
8: You did when you had so many kids
7-year-old: What’s it like to have kids?
Me: You know how ice cream is the best thing in the world?
7: Yeah.
Me: But it can give you a headache?
7: Uh-huh.
Me: Bingo.
5-year-old: Can snakes climb stairs?
Me: I don’t know. Why?
5:
Me: WHY???
9-year-old: Can we order pizza?
Me: Yes
9: You didn’t even fight it.
Me: I’m too tired
9: Can I have a pony?
(Sees a stray cat)
7-year-old: Can we take it home?
Me: You mom is allergic.
7: We can get a new mom.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow-up?
5-year-old: A warrior.
Me: Oh.
5: And a librarian – the late fee is death.
Me: How was your first day of school?
5-year-old; Okay
Me: I’m sure tomorrow will be better.
5: I have to go back?
Me: I make the big decisions.
5-year-old: Why?
Me: I’m the boss.
5: You’re not mom.
5-year-old: I brushed my hair all by myself.
Me: Great!
5: How many more times do I have to do it?
Me: Everyday for the rest of your life.
5: I quit.
I let my kids pick the movie for movie night…..what are we watching?….the Netflix menu while they fight all night.
9-year-old: Puts on her swimsuit
Me: We’re not going swimming today.
9: I’m dressing for the day I want.
10-year-old: I’m watching all the Harry Potter movies.
Me: Do you really have that much free time?
10: I don’t have free time, I’m watching all the Harry Potter movies.
7-year-old: Do we have to go to school today?
Me: Yes
7: Why?
Me: It’s Monday.
7: That’s not a very good reason.
7-year-old: I’m a princess.
Me: Does that make me a king?
7: It makes you lucky to have mom.
5-year-old: When I grow up, I’ll have this house.
Me: But where will I live?
5: You’ll be dead.
Me: Oh.