…..Now you see….this is what some people with a lot of money do when they’re bored…..they wanted to see who could order the most by the end of the night….so the first guy ordered….64 bottles of Dom Perignon – 25 bottles of Cristral champagne – 16 Armand de Brignac Ace of Spades Champagne – 12 Dom Perignon Rose Champagne – 7 Mohitos – 10 bottles of Peroni – 20 cans of Red Bull – 6 Bellinis – 6 bottles of water – 2 bottles of Chivas Regal 18 yr old whiskey – 6 bottles of Krug Grand Cuvee and 18 bottles of Belle E`poque Rose….total….$64,279.70…..now the other dude ordered…..30 “MAGNUM” bottles of Cristal Champagne – 20 bottles of Dom Perignon – Crack Baby Shots – 6 Espresso Martinis, 10 shots of 18 yr old Glenmorangie Whiskey – 8 bottles of mineral water – 7 bottles of 1998 Vintage Krug Champagne and 2 Magnums of Belvedere Vodka….total….$66,778.91
BLAZING SADDLES….turned 40-years old last weekend…..now if some of you are doing what I’m doing….counting back to when you first watched the film….you’re realizing two things….that was a long time ago…and we’re old…..the truth is….there is no way in hell they could make that film today….if the Politically In-Correct Conservatives are losing their minds over a Coke commercial just think what this film would do to them…..Mel Brooks insulted everyone….and he didn’t pull any punches….Blacks, Jews, Catholics, Gays, Rednecks, Latinos, Country Folks, Politicians, In-breds….he even had Indians speaking German….and we laughed because the shit was funny!…..I sat on the sofa, watched the film last weekend and was quoting lines and singing along to the songs…..remember…. “I’m Tired….Excuse me while I whip this out…..badges, we don’t need no stinking badges….Gabby, is the Sheriff coming?…..the sheriff is a Ni…DONG!…..he says the Sheriff is near…..no dang nabit, I said the Sheriff is a Ni…DONG!…..throw out your hands push out your tush…..I get no kick from Champagne….Let me see if what they say about your people is twue…..It’s twue, oh it’s twue!”….and who can forget Mongo punching out the horse….and last but not least…..the campfire scene….made me not eat beans for a long time…..happy birthday Mel…..too bad they don’t make them like that anymore….and don’t forget….it was shot in Panavision and Technicolor….and Richard Pryor helped with the script!
CRIMES OF PASSION: SEX LAWS IN AMERICA:
OREGON…It’s illegal to lie down in public restrooms or for two people to share a stall meant for one
UTAH…It’s illegal to marry a first cousin before 65 (55 if you can prove both parties are infertile)
COLORADO….Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited
ARIZONA…You may not have more than two dildos in the same house
KANSAS….Illegal sodomy includes oral sex, but anal penetration with a finger is allowed under specified circumstances
TEXAS…It is illegal to own more than six dildos
LOUISIANA…Necrophilia is legal
MISSISSIPPI…It’s illegal to teach others what polygamy is
ALABAMA…Incestuous marriages are illegal
TENNESSEE…Students may not hold hands in school
NORTH CAROLINA…Pretending to be married in order to share a hotel room is illegal
PENNSYLVANIA….Oral and anal sex is illegal
INDIANA…It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public
OHIO….No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends a second person
NEBRASKA….You can’t get married if you have gonorrhea
MONTANA….It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than the missionary style
1 IN 4 AMERICANS DON’T KNOW THE EARTH CIRCLES THE SUN…..Yeah….and some think you can drive to Europe….but when you think about it you can.…no really….you head north through Canada…and when you enter Russia….look for a sign pointing towards Moscow and hang a right….and then keep straight until you hit Poland….the biggest problem you’ll run into is….there are no gas stations on the North Pole.
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES….Were invented by Ruth Graves Wakefield in 1930….she discovered that she ran out of powdered baker’s chocolate and substituted cut up pieces of Nestle’s Semi-Sweet Chocolate bar instead….she was surprised when the chocolate bar pieces did not melt into the cookie dough….serving them to her guest as “Chocolate Chip” cookies….they immediately became a hit.
11 SOUNDS THAT YOUR KIDS HAVE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD….I can think of 11 that they did… “Go to your room….What did I tell you?….Come here….I’m gonna knock you into the middle of next week….Do your homework….Don’t eat that before dinner….I’m not going to tell you again…No, you can’t go….Because I said so…..You’re going to be late for school….What’s wrong with you?”