…..Hey,….Gotta go…..gotta go!
FLY NUDE….That’s one way to beat paying for over-weight luggage.
CITY UNSURE WHY SEWER SMELLS….You’re kidding me right?
ITALY’S FIRST BLACK MINISTER GREETED BY RACIST TAUNTS…..Wow Italy,….you just went down a notch in my favorite country poll.
PAUL RYAN NOW SUPPORTS GAY ADOPTION BUT STILL OPPOSES SAME-SEX MARRIAGES….Am I the only one who doesn’t get this??
PEEPING TOMS CRASH THROUGH MOVIE THEATER CEILING INTO WOMAN’S BATHROOM….I hope they beat the hell out of them….and why is it called “Peeping Tom?”…..why not Joe or Pete?
FLORIDA MAN DIALS 911 DOZENS OF TIMES TO ORDER KOOL-AID AND WEED…..Now this dud was really high.
CIA OFFICIAL BREAKS SILENCE ON EXTRATERRESTRIALS…Oh what?…..is he finally going to tell us what most of us already know?……of course there are aliens out there…..just go to Walmart!
FAKE NUNS FOUND WITH 4 POUNDS OF COCAINE….Now they had a real bad habit.
VACCINE HALTS HERION ADDICTION IN RATS…..Good because I’m tired of seeing all those junkie rats shooting up in the alley.
RONALD REAGAN WOULD INSIST ON DEPORTING UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS…..Well he ain’t here now is he?….and what happened to “Give me your hungry, your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free?”
SINGER OF CHRISTIAN METAL BAND ARRESTED FOR HIRING HITMAN TO KILL WIFE…..Christian huh?….Well did you forget the “Thou shall not kill” part?
CHRIS BROWN PRIVATE JET FILLS WITH SMOKE & MAKES EMERGENCY LANDING…..Yeah, and I bet it wasn’t the engines smoking.
SHOULD YOU CLEAN YOUR TEENAGERS MESSY ROOM?…..Hell no!
ELF ARRESTED AFTER THREATENING TO BLOW UP SANTA…..I guess Santa said no to a pay raise.
PARKSIDE WIFE HELD IN SHOOTING OF HUSBAND AFTER A NIGHT OF DRINKING….She had been drinking Vodka for over six hours and then she asked him to show her how to shoot a gun….fool needed to be shot.
TOPLESS BARBERSHOP POPULAR….Yeah and I bet a lot of guys walk out of there with baldheads!
USELESS INFORMATION:…..Mageirocophobia is the intense fear of having to cook….it is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs…..starfish don’t have brains….a survey once disclosed that 12 percent of Americans believed that Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife….George II sold tickets to allow the public to watch the King and Queen eat…..Justin Timberlake’s half-eaten french toast sold for more than $3,000 on eBay.
THIS CLOCK TRACKS THE END OF THE WORLD….Fine, as long as it ends on Sunday because I hate waking up on Monday to go to work.
9 REASONS TO AVOID SUGAR…..I can give you one…..“ZITS!”
POPE FRANCIS ELECTED AS THE 266th ROMAN CATHOLIC PONTIFF….Am I the only one to just find out that the first 265 Pope’s were all European?
MOM ARRESTED AFTER HIRING STRIPPERS TO PERFORM LAP DANCES AT HER 16 YEAR OLD SON’S BIRTHDAY PARTY…..Come on, the kids got to grow up sooner or later.
DON’T HAVE TIME TO EAT BREAKFAST? DRINK IT!…….Hey, a Bloody Mary always works for me.
FLORIDA WOMAN SAYS FART IN FACE PROVOKED KNIFE FIGHT…..Only in Florida!
POLICE WARN GIRL, 10; CHALK HOPSCOTCH GRID ON PATH WAS A CRIMINAL DAMAGE…..Oh give me a break…..now kids can’t even draw and play Hopscotch on the sidewalk?
HOOTERS BALLGIRL RUNS ON FIELD AND CATCHES FAIR BALL, THEM THROWS IT TO A FAN…..And no, I will not start with the blonde jokes!
WOMAN LEAVES HUSBAND FOR PET RATS……Hey, spouses have left each other for worse things.
STUDENTS MAKE FERMENTED COW DUNG AIR FRESHENER…..Oh yeah, that will get the fried chicken smell out of the kitchen.
MAN GOES BERSERK WITH AX IN DUNKIN’ DONUTS……Guess they were out of the chocolate ones.
BLIND GIRL POLE VAULTER 1 OF THE BEST IN TEXAS…..A perfect example of “Never say never!”
DAMON DASH FACES EVICTION OVER $100,000 RENT DEBT…..How in the heck can you run up a $100,000 rent bill like that and what stupid landlord would let you?
JESSICA ALBA DRANK WILD TURKEY IN THE 6TH GRADE, STOLE HER MOM’S CAR….My kinda gal!