…..Ok Alabama…..this one topped Florida.….this principal…..this is so stupid I’m having a hard time writing it…..ok,.….he’s asking students….to bring cans of peas, corn…..beans…..whatever…..so if an intruder comes in the school…..you can fire a can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup…..and bust him upside his head.….and knock him out until the police come…..he even sent letters to the parents saying.….it’s cool if your kid takes someone out…..the school employees received training from the Auburn University’s public safety department…..for what?…..to throw a can?…..what’s next…..spring training with the Yankees?
NEW ORLEANS FINDS HOMES FOR ALL ITS HOMELESS VETERANS…..You go New Orleans…..at 6p.m…..on January 2nd…..social workers moved the city’s last known homeless veteran into his new apartment…..becoming the first U.S. city to effectively eliminate veteran homelessness……now let’s hope the other 49 follow suit.
WHAT OTHER WORLDS HAVE WE LANDED ON….Now that’s a good question….secret payloads sent up…..military payloads…..possible contact with ET and his boys…..and exactly how big is the International Space Station…..because we really don’t know….except for the pictures they show us.
ITALIAN PRESIDENT STEPS DOWN, CITING AGE AND FATIGUE…..Yeah,….I can’t blame him….that country would wear me out.
AN ISRAELI NEWSPAPER PHOTOSHOPPED FEMALE LEADERS OUT OF CHARLIE HEDBO MARCH…..So much for free press.
KATE MIDDLETON ENJOY HOUR LONG SHOPPING SPREE IN LONDON….Well it’s not like the woman has a day job.
SWEDISH CHILDREN’S TV DANCING GENITALS CARTOONS SPARKS PARENTAL OUTCRY…..You would have to smoke something to understand why this is on TV….the cartoon shows….smiling and dancing penises and vaginas..…to a tune which employs words…..children use to refer to their private parts….like…. “Here comes Willie at a run, he has no pants….Twinkle is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady….what a great gang.”….the program aims to educate children aged 3 to 6 about their body…..well calling it…. “Willie and Twinkle”…..isn’t a good start…..the song was written and performed by Johan Holmström….whose previous titles for the program were…. “Pee, farting and pooping…..I like Slime and Molluscs in my pants.”…..I wouldn’t worry about the show….but I sure as hell would keep my kid away from that song writer.
THE MUSLIM HERO WHO SAVED LIVES AT PARIS KOSHER MARKET IS BEING GRANTED FRENCH CITIZENSHIP…..Lassana Bathily…..who follows the Muslim faith….sorry, I had to re-write that because whomever wrote the article called him…” “The Muslim”……anyway,….he will be granted French citizenship…..even Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu approves of this choice….you know..…the guy from the country where a newspaper photo shopped all the women leaders out of the protest picture?….anyway,….you know what my man said;…… “Yes, I aided Jews….we’re all brothers…it’s not a question of Jews, Christians or Muslims…we need to help each other get out of this crisis.”
LIAM NEESON SAYS AMERICA HAS TOO MANY F**KING GUNS…..Well it’s not like the man is f**cking lying!
NAYA RIVERA SAYS SHOWERING DAILY IS SUCH A WHITE PEOPLE THING….Ok….and that was one of those….looooong ok’s…..where is she?…..those of you who wake up after a long night of tossing and turning…..sweating.….getting on your partner’s last nerve…..snoring……been getting your swerve on all night…..you wake up…..and sniff……and what’s the first thing you do when you go to the bathroom…..right.….you pee…..or….and then you wash up….and if you don’t have time to enjoy a full shower…..you’ll take…..and I know some of you have done this…..and if you say you haven’t.….you’re lying…..you take a “Ho Shower”……no disrespect to a hard working person…..but that’s the shower you take under two minutes and clean everything using the sink…..and that has nothing to do with color…..you stink.….you wash your butt!
LEGO HITLER: BRITISH TEEN JOHN DENNO DEPICTS HOLOCAUST IN TOYS…..I’m sure some of you read this and thought it was a bad idea…..but sometimes you can learn more visually….he was assigned a school report on the Holocaust and the Nazi rise to power.….he decided to use his Lego collection to depict the fascist era from Adolf Hitler’s rise to power in 1933 to the Allied liberation of concentration camps in 1945…..and the kid nailed it!…..and received an A!…..you have to go online, find this and checkout his presentation….such a creative idea.
CAT SAVES ABANDONED RUSSIAN BABY FROM FREEZING TO DEATH…..Masha….that’s the cat.….climbed into the box the baby was discarded in and kept him warm…..he even meowed to get the attention of a passerby…..Masha is a communal cat who is looked after by the local residents.