IF A BOOK…..told you something when you were fifteen….it will tell you again when you’re fifty….though you may understand it so differently…..that it seems you’re reading a whole new book
IF YOU RESPOND…..to my sarcasm….with better sarcasm….I might just catch feelings for you
THE BROWNIES…..I started making in my Easy Bake Oven….in 1987…..are ready if you guys want one
THE CORRECT SPELLING….for school is school, not school….some people put the second o before the first o….and that’s incorrect
ONCE UPON A TIME……The French had real problem with the 1%….they solved it
THIS IS YOUR ONE-YEAR WARNING…..The Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day….fall on the same day next year….start planning now
RELIGION…..is an advertising campaign…..for a product that doesn’t exist
SOMETIMES….you don’t have to work to figure out who the racist is….sometimes, they out themselves
THE KEY TO HAPPINESS….is making the music louder than the chaos
ONE OF MY FAVORITE HOBBIES….is waking up in the middle of the night….and thinking about everything….I can’t control for three hours
FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED…..After decades….beer is now cheaper than petrol….now there will be a new slogan….. “Just drink….don’t drive!”
SOME OF YOU….have never dodged Marlboro ashes…..that blew to the back seat…..and it shows
JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER FOR TONIGHT’S FESTIVITIES….life is not a fairytale….if you lose a shoe at midnight….it’s likely because you’re drunk
IF YOU’RE OPPOSED…..to gay marriage…..you can simply say “no”….when a gay person proposes to you
LATELY?….sorry, but I see no good reason to act my age
SOMETIMES….you just have to pull up your boots….and put on your tutu
PLEASE GET TO THE POINT….my ability to look like I’m interested is starting to wear off
LET’S ADMIT…..that drinking bleach and shoving a UV light up your ass….is the closet we’ve gotten to a Republican healthcare plan….in the last 16 years
FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN……I hope you win all the battles….you don’t talk about with anyone.
TRISCUITS….are the perfect snack…..for anyone who has ever had the urge….to eat wicker furniture
AND MY FAVORITE…..
READ THIS CAREFULLY….
- Do
- You
- Know
- Who
- Is
- The
- Prettiest
- Person
- In the world……
NOW READ…..6, 7, 8, 9, 5, 2