SUSAN: What do you want for your birthday?
PHONE CALL: A girlfriend that’s not crazy
SUSAN: You should ask for something more realistic….like a dragon
SUSAN: Undress me with your words darling…..
PHONE CALL: You have a spider in your bra
SUSAN: I want to donate my clothes…..to people who are starving
PHONE CALL: Anyone who can fit your clothes….is surely not starving
SUSAN: Can you pick up batteries for the smoke alarms today…..I don’t wanna die
PHONE CALL: Then don’t lite anything on fire
SUSAN: I’ve never done this before
PHONE CALL: You’ve never had sex?
SUSAN: I’ve never lowered my standards this much
SUSAN: I need to tell you something
PHONE CALL: Ok
SUSAN: I broke your xbox
PHONE CALL: WHAT?!?!?!
SUSAN: Just kidding…..I’m cheating on you
PHONE CALL: So my xbox is ok right?
PHONE CALL: I want to kiss you everywhere
SUSAN: EVERYWHERE??…..Omaha, Nebraska?…..Springfield, Ohio?…..Red Lobster?
PHONE CALL: Stop
SUSAN: Radio Shack??
SUSAN: Why did you just hug me?…..you never hug me
PHONE CALL: My doctor told me to embrace my mistakes
SUSAN: Do you know what it means…..to come home to a woman…..who gives you a little love and tenderness?
PHONE CALL: Yeah,…..it means I’m in the wrong house
SUSAN: Do you ever get a shooting pain…..across your body…..like someone got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?
PHONE CALL: No
SUSAN: How about now?
PHONE CALL: Are we going out?
SUSAN: I don’t know…..what do you want to do…..until we fall asleep on the couch?
SUSAN: Did you drink the last beer in the fridge?
PHONE CALL: No, I drank it in the living room
SUSAN: My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation
PHONE CALL: You must be worried shitless
SUSAN: I’m sick of it…..you never take out the trash
PHONE CALL: Where do you want to go?
PHONE CALL: Hey,….I don’t think this is going to work….I’m breaking up with you
SUSAN: Whatever…..you’ll never find someone like me
PHONE CALL: That’s the point