SIS: Nobody wants to date me
SISTA: aww….I’ll date you
SIS: Go away
SISTA: I’m going to replace the coffee machine…..it’s 7-years-old
SIS: That’s not that old…..I have sheets older than that machine
SISTA: Well perhaps your sheets aren’t getting as much action as our coffee machine
SISTA: What’s going on?
SIS: There was a party for my friend…..I met their family….and they’re really nice
SISTA: That’s hot
SIS: Huh?
SISTA: You knew the difference…..between there, their and they’re
SISTA: Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?
SIS: Ah, you do know you’re in a library right?
SIS: (Text)…..What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning one….and her name was mozzarella
SISTA: Don’t ever text me again
SISTA: (Text)……Do you want lasagna or meatloaf for dinner?
SIS: Lasagna
SISTA: Me too……stop by Olive Garden on your way home
SIS: Did you see the new movie everyone is raving about?
SISTA: Yeah, I wasted my money on it
SIS: You didn’t like it?…..people are saying it’s great
SISTA: Really?…..I bet if they showed that crap on an airplane…..people would still walk out on it
SIS: Hey, I want to buy something for dinner….you want something?
SISTA: Nah, I’m full
SIS: Okay, I’ll stop by McDonald’s
SISTA: I’ll have 9 hamburgers
SIS: Why aren’t you at work?
SISTA: My boss told me to have a good day…..so I came home
SIS: I was walking down the street…..and I saw that some kids painted a pentagram on the sidewalk…..and they were summing a demon
SISTA: And why are you surprised that you showed up at the moment?
(Kid yelling from a playground swing)…..I’m higher than you
SISTA: I seriously fucking doubt that
SIS: You are such a horrible person…..you do know there’s a line…..between right and wrong
SISTA: If there’s a line between right and wrong…..I snorted it years ago
SIS: What the hell is wrong with you?
SISTA: I was sitting in a recliner naked….watching a movie….eating ice cream and Doritos…..minding my own business…..and Walmart called the cops on me
SIS: You’re riding a horse a full speed…..there’s a giraffe next to you….and a lion chasing you…..what do you do?
SISTA: Get my drunk ass of the carousel
SISTA: My doctor said I have to stop all my partying and drinking
SIS: So, what are you going to do?
SISTA: Get a new doctor
SIS: Stop saying that….I am not ugly
SISTA: Girl,….you’re so ugly…..you scared the crap out of the toilet
SIS: What in the hell is wrong with you?
SISTA: Why do you ask?
SIS: The look on your face says it all
SISTA: I met this old Spanish lady at the market earlier…..and we were talking in Spanish…..then this White lady in a wheelchair rolled up and said to us….. “We’re in America….why don’t you speak English?”
SIS: So, what did you say to that?
SISTA: I looked at her and said….. “Bitch, you got legs….why don’t you walk?”
SISTA: (Arrives at work carrying a yoga mat)
CO-WORKER: Going to yoga?
SISTA: No, I carry this to the office on days I look like shit…..so that everyone assumes I just worked out
SIS: And what city do we live in again?
SISTA: Santa Monica
SIS: Very good…..and do you know what state you live in?
SISTA: Confusion
SIS: (on the phone)…..Alright girl…..I’m down with that……later!
SISTA: Who was that?
SIS: That’s my ride or die girl……you’re not a “ride or die” chick?
SISTA: No, I’m not a ride or die chick
SIS: Why not?
SISTA: Because I have questions…..like, where are we riding to?…..why do I have to die?…..and can we get food on the way?