BE SELECTIVE….learn who to “KNOW”….and who to “NO”
A CO-WORKER….almost died in front of me today….then I took a drink of coffee….calmed down…and put my sword back in my desk
DON’T JUST BE….another brick in the wall
BE HAPPY…in front of people who don’t like you….it kills them
I WENT BY THE HOUSE….I grew up in….and asked if I could go in and look around….they said no and slammed the door…..my parents can be so rude
BEHIND ALL GREAT MUSICIANS….are some very tolerant neighbors
I DON’T ALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILE….but when I do….it’s because I missed my exit
YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE….a lot of friends when you get serious about your life goals…..that’s why a Bugatti has two seats….and a bus has thirty
ALL IT TAKES….is one song…to bring back a 1,000 memories
I’M EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED…..I haven’t given a shit for days
POP MUSIC….in a southern accent doesn’t make it country
WHEN I’M DEAD….please don’t post on my timeline….saying you wish heaven had a phone…..I have a phone now….and you don’t even call
MTV NEEDS TO STOP DOING TV SHOWS….like 16 & pregnant….and start doing shows like….18 & graduated….and 21 & successful
THESE YUNGSTAS….are ready to do 25 to life….but can’t do four years in high school….something ain’t right
PUT THE VACCINE….in gumbo and daiquiris….Louisiana will be fully vaccinated by Monday
THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME TO PLAY…. “resting your eyes”….in the morning sun…..after shutting off your alarm
OPTIMIST:…..someone who figures that taking a step backwards….after taking a step forward….is not a disaster….it’s a cha-cha
WHEN I DUNK MY COOKIES….in my milk I think of you….(and hold them under until the bubbles stop)
I COOK WITH WINE…..sometimes I even add it to my food
VACCINES….are a gateway drug to concerts
RAILWAY STATION SIGN:
STAY OFF THE TRACKS….the tracks there are only for trains….if you can read this….you are not a train
SIGN ON A BACK ROAD:
WARNING – BRIDGE WASHED OUT….unless you feel that this is an attempt to deprive you of your liberty…..then keep driving
THEY WANT US….to hate each other….don’t let them win
TEACHERS SHOULD WEAR BODY CAMS…like the police….so parents can see how their children act
JUST BOUGHT $200 WORTH OF GROCERIES…then ordered a pizza because I was too tired to cook….after buying all those groceries
EITHER I WILL FIND A WAY….or I will make one
YES, I ROCK OUT IN MY CAR….yes, I’m aware people can see me….no, I don’t care
TEACHER:…. “Name a book that made you cry?”
ME:…. “Algebra”
PEOPLE WHO STAY IN THE CAR….a little longer to listen to the end of a song….are my kinda people
AND MY FAVORITE:
I WENT FOR CHINESE LAST NIGHT….and got to chatting with the waiter….he told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a kamikaze pilot and his code name was “Chow Mein”….I said,…. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?”….to which he replied…. “Yes, but I was Chicken Chow Mein.”
AND MY OTHER FAVORITE:
I WAS READING EARLIER….about the fall of Rome….sounds pretty screwed up….a plague resulting in labor shortage….bad leadership….multiple wars….infighting….decisions made to benefit the rich rather than the poor…hey, wait a damn minute!