…..My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mother-Frank Zappa…..Everybody Must Get Stoned-Bob Dylan (Washington and Colorado’s Anthem)….Your Shirt Would Look Better With A Colombian Necktie-I Killed The Prom Queen….Don’t Drop The Soap With Anyone Else But Me-Stan Ridgeway…..De Do Do Do De Da Da Da-Police….You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly-Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty:
OREGON MIDDLE SCHOOL COACH FIRED AFTER PLANNING PARTY AT HOOTERS…..Ok….now he asked the kids where did they want to celebrate…..they said Hooters….come on their young boys….probably the closest to a dream come true for them…..anyway…..and a majority of the parents were cool with that….except for 4…..they were concerned about what type of message would be sent to the kids…..if you’re so concerned, then pull the plugs on their computers….because they can find worse than Hooter’s on it…..they also said the restaurant objectifies women…..well they chose to work there…..I would be pissed off if the coach let them drink beer.
UNITED KINGDOM SPY FOUND DEAD IN LOCKED BAG “NOT MURDER”…The Police say MI6 worker Gareth Williams whose body was found in a “PADLOCKED BAG” died accidentally and on his own…say what?…if he was in the bag…then how did he padlock it…please explain this to me as if I’m a 4 year old!
WHAT’S THE ORIGIN OF “OK?”…..Ok is the all-American expression that became an all-purpose English expression that became an all purpose expression in dozens of other languages….it’s amazing that we got along without it until 1839…..Haitian…. “Aux Cayes”……Louisiana French…. “Au quai”…..Puerto Rican….. “Aux quais”……German….. “Alles korrekt or ober commando”……Chocktaw…. “Okeh”…..Scottish….. “Och aye”….Wolof…. “Waw kay”…..Greek….. “Olla Kalla”…..Latin…. “Omnes Korrecta”……it started as a joke published on March 23, 1839 in the Boston Morning Post.
EUROPEANS ARE NOW TOO CHEAP FOR CHAMPAGNE…..And I don’t blame them….you wanna know why?…..then I’ll tell ya…..the normal shelf-life of a “GOOD” champagne is seven years…..Dom Perigon, Moet, Louis Roederer, Veuve Clicquot…..it’s on the market anywhere between 3 months to 3 years, mixed with brandy and sugar and now you know why you have a hangover in the morning……you don’t believe me?….then go champagne shopping in the champagne region of France and let the growers tell you the same thing they told me…..and if the makers of those champagne’s disagree with what I said….then take it up with the other champagne makers within your area…..because “THEY” told me!
A GERMAN MUSLIM SCHOLAR’S ANSWER ON A LIVE TV SHOW SEEN BY MILLIONS….HE WAS ASKED ABOUT TERRORISM & ISLAM…..HE SAID.
“Who started World War 1? Was it a Muslim?
Who started World War 2? Was it a Muslim?
Who killed about 20 million Aborigines in Australia? Was it a Muslim?
Who sent nuclear bombs to Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Was it a Muslim?
Who killed more than 100 million Indians in North America? Was it a Muslim?
Who killed more than 50 million Indians in South America? Was it a Muslim
Who took about 180 million of African people as slaves, of which 88% died and were thrown into the Atlantic Ocean? Was it a Muslim?
No, they weren’t Muslims! First you have to define terrorism properly. If a non-Muslim does something bad, it’s a crime. But if a Muslim commits the same act, he is a terrorist. First remove the double standard, then come to the point!”
AND OFF TO THE WORLD OF THE STUPID…..FLORIDA!
North Miami Beach man fatally shot after fight over utensils breaks out at Baptism party
Florida man kills friend during argument over how to correctly cut barbecue
Family brawl disrupts fun at Fort Myers Chuck E. Cheese
Florida man arrested after running naked through the neighborhood, screaming, waking people up and then fighting with the police
Florida man poses as a Cop at IHOP, demands free meal, flashes buttocks
Florida woman attacks husband with a spatula, throws chicken in the swimming pool
Florida man arrested for the sixth time for beating mother; cites, “the usual stuff.”
Florida man arrested for assaulting wife with turkey neck
I KNOW I KEEP PICKING ON FLORIDA BUT HEY….THEY’RE FUNNY:
Florida woman assaults boyfriend because he refused to cuddle
Police finds Florida man hiding under a big pile of laundry
Florida man stole Christmas presents from neighbor’s home and hid them under a avocado tree
Florida man accused of breaking 77 year old wife’s hip after she caught him checking dating website
Florida woman arrested for throwing peanut butter at her brother
Florida man hurls bricks, racial slurs at neighbor’s children; tried to pedal away on ex-wife’s bicycle
Miami: man tried to trade an alligator for beer
Florida woman arrested after trying to rob the same bank twice in 10 days
Florida man denies exposing himself in department store, blames itchy penis
Florida baby left in car for four hours while dad sits in strip club