DON’T JUDGE A WOMAN….by pounds…..and you won’t….be judged by inches

CELL PHONES…..bring you closer to people far from you…..but it takes you away…..from the ones sitting next to you

BURGER KING AND POPEYE’S……having a chicken sandwich war while being owned by the same parent company…..is the greatest real-life analogy…..for our modern American political parties

I THANK THE UNIVERSE….every day that I wasn’t born dumb enough……evil enough…..insecure enough and hateful enough…..to have grown up to become a Trump supporter

HACKERS……need to step up their game…..and delete everyone’s loans, bad credit…..and mortgages

TOO YOUNG FOR RETIREMENT…..too poor to quit….and too fat to strip

IF THEY DON’T EXPECT YOU….to dance in the grocery store aisles…..why do they play music?

I GOTTA GET BAPTIZED AGAIN…..that one I got when I was little is wearing off

WELL HELLO THERE….you look like a bad decision….come over here

THESE WEEKENDS….are starting to feel a lot like a…..30 minute lunch break

TOKYO…..is the city with the most millionaires in the world…..London has the most multi-millionaires…..and New York has the most multi-billionaires

WHAT KIND OF GOD….loves so much imperfection?

THE FOUR FAULTS OF NATURAL AWARENESS:

So close you can’t see it

So deep you can’t fathom it

So simple you can’t believe it

So good you can’t accept it

PUTTING ME….on speaker phone…..is taking a huge risk

WE’RE ALL….looking for something…..sometimes insanity…..is the fastest way to find it

VERY FEW OF US….are what we seem

I’M SORRY…..but when sweet, generous and loving Dolly Parton…..is the new enemy in your delusional story…..it’s time to reevaluate your life

WHAT WE KNOW….is a drop…..what we don’t know……is an ocean

THE PEOPLE….you meet are either reflections of a repeated cycle or guides towards a new start – notice the difference.

WHEN YOU DANCE….to your own beat….people don’t have to understand you….like it….or even hate you….but mostly…..they wish they had the courage to do the same

A DAY…..on Jupiter’s moon last less than 5 hours……just like Saturday and Sunday on Earth

SOMETIMES…..you have to just sit in the car…..and let the song finish

AND MY FAVORITE……

WHETHER OR NOT…..they think he was the actual son of God…..they all agree he preached tolerance and forgiveness…..a message so important…..his most ardent followers would eventually…..start killing anyone one who didn’t want to hear it