I DON’T ALWAYS…..jump out of bed like a ninja….but when I do…..it’s because I have a leg cramp
IF YOU CAN….be offended by a cartoon….a lady on a syrup bottle….a man on a box of rice….you may be the problem
ALEXEI NAVALNY….is what happens….when your president has full immunity
IF YOU’RE ASKING….me for advice…..I’m going to assume…..you’re out of all other rational advices
ALCOHOL…..should contain glitter…..so throwing up can be prettier
SNORING IS A GIFT…..not everyone can sing while they’re sleeping
THE ONLY BORDER….we need to secure…..is between church and state
UNTIL A DRAG QUEEN….walks into a school….and beats eight children to death with a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird…..I think you’re focusing on the wrong shit
T-SHIRT…. “Keep the immigrants…..deport the Republicans”
TRUMP…..isn’t being funny when he says “Obama is President”…..he’s being an old man who is showing signs of severe mental decline….and it’s only getting worse
THE CHURCH….never burned witches….it burned women
SOME OF YOU….are too young to know…..what it feels to take a ton of pictures…..then have to wait two weeks….to find out they all suck
THE COFFEE SHOP…had a sign that said…. “No wifi….pretend it’s 1973”….so I paid 10 cents for my coffee….and lit a cigarette
LAST NIGHT….I ordered a glass of wine with my dinner….the waiter asked to see my ID….I asked…. “Do I look too young to drink?”…. “No”….he said…. “I was checking to see if you qualified for the senior citizen discount”
NEVER….follow a leader…..who is more in love with power….than people
THE FIRST THING A MAN LOOKS AT….in a woman is her heart…..the fact that her breasts blocks the view….is not our fault
T.G.I.F…..Thank…..God…..I’m…..Fabulous
AND MY FAVORITE…..
ALZHEIMER’S POEM:
Do not ask me to remember
Do not try to make me understand
Let me rest and know you’re with me
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand
I’m confused beyond your concept
I am sad and sick and lost
All I know is that I need you to be with me at all cost
Do not lose patience with me
Do not scold or curse my cry
I can’t help the way I’m acting
Can’t be different though I try
Just remember that I need you
That the best of me is gone
Please don’t fail to stand beside me
Love me till my life is gone