…..Whatever Joe….just let me know….when you start deep space travel….so I can get off this crazy rock…..anyway,….
MAN LIFTS SLEEPING EX-GIRLFRIEND’S EYELID TO UNLOCK HER PHONE AND STEAL $24,000….That’s cold man…..a 28-year-old dude in China came up with this brilliant idea….and it actually is…..if you can get away with it….and he didn’t…..Huang…..that’s the bad guy….went to her apartment a year ago because she was sick….so he fed her…..and get her some medicine that would knock her out…..and then he ripped her off….my man Huang is doing a 3 and a half year prison stint….and was fined $3,1000 bucks.
5 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM PACKER’S WIN vs RAVENS….Oh there’s definitely one thing people learned…..John Harbaugh let us know…..he’s a freakin’ idiot….kick the extra point and go into overtime….your QB finally realized…. “Hey, maybe me running is a good idea”….a little late….but a good idea….bad call John.
STUFF I REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT…..
BEN AFFLECK….addresses controversial Jennifer Garner divorce comments…..I really don’t care….
REESE WITHERSPOON….just wore a super-short mini dress on The Tonight Show…..I really don’t care….
THE NFL WORLD….reacts to Tom Brady’s salty tantrums…..really dude?……it’s Brady….
EMILY RATAJKOWSKI…..sparks debate in braless dinner photos….I really don’t care….
RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL…..scraps the Rockettes Christmas Show due to COVID….now that I care about….
SARAH PALIN SAYS SHE’LL GET COVID-19 VACCINE “OVER MY DEAD BODY”….I really miss this crazy woman….I do….her hamster fell off the wheel….she’s one can short of a six-pack….her biscuit ain’t done….elevator don’t go to the top….her light bulb’s out….she done sprung a leak in her dingy….she’s dippin’ in the Kool-Aid and don’t even know the flavor…..but I really miss Saaarrrr-ah’s crazy ass…..trying to catch a grain of sand during a hurricane with a pair of tweezers….would be easier to do….than trying to understand this woman.
THE PUSH TO BAN BOOKS IN TEXAS SCHOOLS SPREADS TO PUBLIC LIBRARIES….A wise person once said…. “A book worth banning…..is a book worth reading.”….and if that’s not bad enough….that DeSantis guy in Florida?….yeah, him….wants to propose legislation to let parents sue teacher….and I am not making this up….let parents sue teachers….who tell the truth about U.S. history….so……………………………what are they going to learn……………when it comes to teaching U.S. history?……………………I’ll wait!
FUNNY MARRIAGE TWEETS…..A few are really funny…..
WHEN….my husbands makes me mad I’ll send him to the store for something that doesn’t exist
MARRIAGE LEVEL:…..I did a video call with my wife because I didn’t feel like walking up the stairs
SORRY WE’RE LATE…..but my husband’s keys were exactly where I said they were
I TOLD MY SON….he needed to clean his room and he said, “maybe later, I have a headache”….I told him that’s no excuse and heard my husband snort laugh from three rooms away
48%…..of marriages end in IKEA
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE….you now have TV shows you aren’t allowed to watch without your spouse
WIFE:….Do that thing I like
ME:….leave the house and take the kids with me
MY HUSBAND….just shushed me…..he will be missed
MY HUSBAND…..eating pizza in bed over our new duvet covers shows he’s really not scared of me anymore