…..What childless world does this so-called “expert” live in?….ask whom…..you mean the baby?…..if my baby could answer that question….I wouldn’t have to ask that question…..because the brat would’ve been potty trained by then…..anyway, forget this idiot because it/they definitely do not have any rugrats……now parents, let’s take a trip down memory lane….I don’t know how it would be with a little girl…..but dem two boys of mine…..were some sneaky little SOB’s…..remember when you would smell something…..and you think your kid might’ve taken a poop…..but you ain’t sure….so you do the “I’m just gonna slide my finger up the side of the diaper and check”…..and as soon as your fingertip pokes….what you didn’t intend on poking…..you always cursed right?…..and changing a boy’s diaper can be an adventure…..you get to experience the “poke”…..that’s a given…..but the real challenge come when he peed and you have to change him…..rule #1….you have to be smart about it….because once you remove the front flap of protection…..be it safety pins, Velcro or the sticky ones you can close again real quick.…..you still need to cover up that machine gun looking at ´cha….…..they’re good at making you think everything is safe…..and that he’s finished doing his business….but don’t trust those little suckers…..because as soon as you turn your back….and turn back around…..they’ll hit you dead on your forehead with a barrage of…..little pee-pee bb’s….pop, pop, pop…..or arch them perfectly on to your T-shirt, nightgown, work clothes, logging outfit, apron…..your Sunday go to meeting church outfit…..and they don’t care…..that little monster will look you straight in the eyes…..and laugh…..and you curse again.
STILL THINK PRINCE ISN’T THE “G.OA.T?……Then answer this question for me….who comes out with a song on their first album….the opening/first song mind you……and does a cut like….. “For You”…..who does that?????…..have you recently taken the time….to listen to it?…..he did every vocal track…..every vocal track!……all by….himself!…..who does that????…..that album was a warning for things to come.
CANADA MAY NOT HAVE EXISTED AS WE KNOW IF IT WASN’T FOR THE BEAVER…..That statement can be taken as, understood, become satire, misunderstood in a comical point of view and discussed in so many ways….and I’m “taking” my butt back in the kitchen for another cup of coffee…..let me know how you think….. “the beaver”…..helped Canada come into being.
TEXAS TEACHER ACCUSED OF “INDOCTRINATING” HER STUDENTS BY TEACHING THEM THEIR “CONSTITUTIONAL AND LEGAL RIGHTS” WAS FIRED…..Well, it is Texas….so no surprise there…..my last words to those students would’ve been….. You don’t me to teach you…..look them up….and teach yourself.”
THE INTERNET FAVORITE TECH REVIEWER IS ALSO AN ELITE ULTIMATE FRISBEE PLAYER…..Cool…..I’m still the only person who has a throw…..no one else can do….and if someone can…..I haven’t seen it…..but I’ve tried to show a gazillion people….how to do it.
“EAT AT A LOCAL RESTAURANT TONIGHT…..get the cream sauce……have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar…..go somewhere you’ve never been…..listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you…..order the steak rare…..eat an oyster…..have a negroni…..have two….be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you….. but have a drink with them anyways…..eat slowly…..tip your server…..check in on your friends…..check in on yourself……enjoy the ride.”……….Anthony Bourdain
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……DAUGHTER and MOM……Penthouse 1……
DAUGHTER (coming downstairs): Ah Dad, I just got a text from mom, and she sounds really pissed.
DAD: I know
DAUGHTER: What happened?
DAD: Well, she said in order to have a peaceful household….we have to leave our problems at the door
DAUGHTER: Ok
DAD: Now she’s mad because she’s locked outside
DAUGHTER: I’ll make your funeral arraignments for you
DAUGHTER: Mom?
MOM (sipping on a martini): Yes darling?
DAUGHTER: You know the astronauts stranded in space for over 80 days?
MOM: Yep
DAUGHTER: They will not be able to return home until 2025
MOM: Then humanity has about six months…..to purchase 8 billion ape costumes….for the ultimate prank
DAUGHTER: This cute guy at school asked if he could be my Romeo
MOM: What did you say?
DAUGHTER: I asked him….. “So you want me to kill myself by drinking poison….and then moments after….you wake up you impale yourself…..on my sword and we die happily ever after?
MOM: I’m dying to know what happened next
DAUGHTER: I said…. “Sure….why not….it would be a fitting end to this year”
MOM: Guess you won’t be seeing him again
DAUGHTER: Nope!