STALKING MY POSTS…..won’t tell you anything…..I could post “I’m done”…..and be talking about how they gave me one less….nugget at McDonald’s
MICK JAGGER…is 80…..Mitch McConnell is 81….the benefits of…..sex, drugs and rock and roll….should not be ignored
IF A TREE FALLS…..on your ex in the woods….and no one is around to hear it….you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw
SIGN IN A BAR:….Please be patient with the bar staff….even a toilet…..can only serve one asshole at a time
I TELL YOU WHAT FREEDOM IS….no fear
RULE # 1….If she asks about it….she knows about it…..so don’t lie about it
LIFE….is a bowl of soup….and I’m a fork
YESTERDAY….my boss gave me a bad appraisal….so I put a lipstick in his laptop bag…..he hasn’t come to work today
I MET YOU….I liked you…..I love you….I’m keeping you….forever yours
I HATE…..when I go to hug someone really sexy….and hit my head on the mirror
MY MOTHER….always used to say….the older you get….the better you get….unless you’re a banana
CAN YOU DIE….from sitting on the floor to play with your kid…..because I just tried to get up…..and it feels like you can die from it
MY WIFE THINKS…..it’s weird that I stare at the window…..during a heavy rainstorm….it would be less weird….if she would just let me in
IN THE BEGINNING….there was Melanin
CLEANING MY ROOM ALONE….10 minutes….cleaning my room with mom…..5 hours….and 50 insults
SUMMER…..isn’t over until September 22nd…..so sit your pumpkin spiced ass down….while I finish my margarita…..thank you
SIX COWS….were smoking a joint and playing poker…..that’s right…..the steaks were pretty high
ENJOY LIFE…..it has an expiration date
BOY IS IT HARD…..trying to discipline the “YOU” out of your child
I AM HIDING….from exercise…..I am in the…..fitness protection program
NEVER AGAIN…..should anyone be alarmed…..that Jim Jones got his followers…..to drink the poison
IT’S REALLY COOL……to be alive in America at this point in history……because it’s like the collapse of the Roman empire…..but with wi-fi
IF THE POLICE…..do a U turn…..I’m gonna do one too…..we can play ring around the rosie
EVERYBODY HATES MATH….until that paycheck looks funny…..now y’all know calculus
MANY PEOPLE…..myself among them….feel better at the mere sight…..of a book
SHOUTOUT….to all my peeps….that definitely would’ve been lobotomized…..if they were born 100 years ago
I MUST BE GETTING STRONGER…..with age….I can now bring home….$300 worth of groceries in one trip
AND MY FAVORITE…..
GET AN ABORTION….or don’t…..be gay…..be straight…..be transgender…..believe in God….be an atheist…..I am pro-leave people alone…..I’m pro-respect people…..even if you disagree with them….I’m pro-supporting family and friends…..I’m pro-mind your own damn business