THERAPIST: So, what do you do in your free time
PATIENT: I stalk people
THERAPIST: Ok…..I like to swim
PATIENT: I know
PATIENT: My daughter scored 93% in 10th…..I’m very disappointed…..should I punish her?
THERAPIST: Having a parent like you….is already a punishment for her
PATIENT: I’m sorry…..but the big fan was too loud….so I turned it off
THERAPIST: And how did everyone else in the helicopter feel about that?
PATIENT: My children will get “privacy” from me…..when they can pay their own bills and feed themselves…..until then, they do what I say….ain’t negotiable…..we’re not friends
THERAPIST: I haven’t spoken to my mother in 10 years
PATIENT: So tell me,…..how is it that cavemen survived the asteroid…..but the dinosaurs didn’t?
THERAPIST: Social distancing…..they stayed 65 million years apart
THERAPIST: What’s your occupation?
PATIENT: I’m an actor, dancer, model, and stylist….but right now….I work at Chipotle
THERAPIST: (to herself)…..Well, this is going to be fun
PATIENT: Every psycho I’ve ever dated was a Leo
THERAPIST: Every psycho I’ve ever dated…..believed in Astrology
THERAPIST: Do you play any dangerous sports?
PATIENT: Well,…..sometimes, I disagree with my wife
THERAPIST: So, why are you so upset?…..the doctor only said she was going to deliver the baby
PATIENT: I know…..but actually, we would like the baby…..to keep its liver
THERAPIST: So, what’s your current relationship status
PATIENT: I made dinner for two…..and ate both
THERAPIST: What do you say…..when you regret something?
PATIENT: Eat the spaghetti….to forgetti your regretti
THERAPIST: No!
THERAPIST: So, do you have any plans to improve your life situation after this session?
PATIENT: No, not really
THERAPIST: Loser!