DAD: Who ate all the cookies?
SON: Ninjas
DAD: I didn’t see them
SON: No one ever does
DAD: Will you please stop singing Backstreet Boys
SON: Tell me why?
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……SIS and SISTA…..Apt…..555
SISTA: Can we have pizza?
SIS: We just had pizza yesterday
SISTA: That pizza doesn’t know that
SIS: How was your date?
SISTA: I blocked his number during dinner
SIS: Are you high?
SISTA: Am I what?
SIS: High….
SISTA: Hello
SIS: When I die and go to heaven…..I hope I get my wings the first day
SISTA: What kind you getting’?…..BBQ or lemon pepper?
SIS: Look, it snowed last night
SISTA: Woof
SIS: You want to go outside and build a snowman?
SISTA: NO!….I don’t want to build a freakin’ snowman…..I want to build a sandcastle….on a beach….in the sun…..where there is no snow
SIS: Do you ever judge someone….just because of their accent?
SISTA: I judge people before they even open their mouth
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS…..AMY…..Apt. 344
(Guy in a bar): I’ve seen flowers in bloom…..that are no match for your radiant beauty
AMY: I’ve seen a forest less shady than you
DATE: I like you
AMY: You have good taste….but no chance
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……GRANDSON and GRANDMA…..apt. 817
GRAND-DAUGHTER: I’m glad I’m not a boy?
GRANDMA: And why is that dear?
GRAND-DAUGHTER: I like being smart
GRANDMA: And I shall live on
GRANDSON: What are you reading?
GRANDMA: Harry Potter And the Death of Anyone Who Interrupts Me
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……DAUGHTER and MOM……Penthouse 1……
DAUGHTER: I have an uncomfortable question for you
MOM: Shoot
DAUGHTER: Don’t be mad…..but out of all the races…which one would be your least favorite race?
MOM: A marathon
DAUGHTER: What are you doing?
MOM (on the sofa drinking a martini): Watching a documentary about ducks
DAUGHTER: Oh, that’s so cute
MOM: No it’s not….I hate ducks
DAUGHTER: WHAT????….how can you hate ducks?
MOM: It’s like God was bored….so he created a waterproof chicken…..and shoved a Kazoo up its ass
MOM: Clean up your room….we are having guests
DAUGHTER: I didn’t realize that we are eating in my room
MOM: With all the cups and plates laying around….we just might
DAUGHTER: I tried reading the dictionary in bed last night
MOM: And?
DAUGHTER: I didn’t finish it
MOM: Why not?
DAUGHTER: I got up to P
MOM: You are seriously not my kid
DAUGHTER: Is the fall of Rome comparable….to the current situation in America?
DAD: Nah, Rome had better roads
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……BUBBA…..Basement apt….2B
INTERVIEWER: You’re asking for a pretty high salary for someone with no experience
BUBBA: Well, this job is gonna be super hard since I don’t know what I’m doing
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……PHONE CALL and SUSAN…..Apt. 307
SUSAN: Did you know mediums….can communicate with the dead?
PHONE CALL: Wow, just imagine what a large could do
PHONE CALL: Hurry
SUSAN: I am
PHONE CALL: You’re still in bed
PHONE CALL: I would go all the way….to hell and back for you
SUSAN: You don’t have to come back
PHONE CALL: I love your energy
SUSAN: Then why are you draining it?
SUSAN: I’m attracted to men with power
PHONE CALL: Well, I did pay my electric bill
PHONE CALL: Are you ok?
SUSAN: I am acting like I am ok…..please don’t interrupt my performance