SON: Like this song dad?

DAD: I prefer alternative music like Nirvana….or Pearl Jam or Weezer

SON: You mean classic rock?

DAD: No classic rock would be Led Zeppelin….The Doors or Grateful Dead

SON: You mean oldies?

DAD: No, oldies would be The Monkees….or The Birds or The Turtles

SON: That isn’t music Dad….those are animals

DAD: You see, unlike PS5, Xbox series X will support “all” Xbox One games says Microsoft….I’ve literally never been this excited…..for something in my entire life

SON: Dad, you married mom…..and have three kids

DAD: What’s your point?

SON: I’m confused…..how is he homeless but has a working cellphone

DAD: You’re confused how a home costs more than a phone?…..is this your first day on earth?

SON: Dad. I need school supplies…..for a project due tomorrow

DAD: You knew about this project for a week…..and waited til the last day…..to tell me what you need for it?……go to bed…..you’re getting a zero

SON: I want to punch him in the eye…..with a rusty fork…..well, this is awkward…..I didn’t mean to text you…..hi dad

DAD: Hi son…..don’t forget to wear gloves….keeps the fingerprints off of the fork…..even if it is a rusty one

SON: My favorite part of this is…..how you don’t even question who this is

DAD: The less I know….the less I can say during the interrogation

SON: The day you ask me to pay half of the rent…..is the day I pack my bags

DAD: And go where?…..you can’t even afford half the rent

SON: I couldn’t possibly be happier right now….for the first time in my life….a girl told me she loves me

DAD: Aren’t moms great?

SON: Who’s your favorite literary vampire?

DAD: The one on Sesame Street

SON: He doesn’t count

DAD: I can assure you……that he does

SON: Why do the woman never have to take a DNA test…..to see if it’s their child?

DAD: (says to himself)…..I have no hope for humans anymore

DAD: Listen son…..you’re 16 and your bedtime is 9 pm…..no more phone and no more internet access without me sitting in your room…..then it is limited to an hour max….there are parental  passcodes on the TV’s…..and you can only watch certain TV programs

SON: Crazy that those are gonna be the exact rules…..you’ll follow in the nursing home

DAD: Who do you think would win this fight?……Thor……or Batman?

SON: Are you literally putting the God of Thunder…..against…..a guy with a sore throat in a Halloween costume?

SON: Do dragons fart fire?

DAD: How in the hell would I know?

SON: I thought you went to college?

DAD: There’s a problem with my computer…..can you help me?

SON: Sure, no problem

DAD: How long do you think it will take?

SON: About an hour and a half

DAD: How long will it take if I help you?

SON: Three hours

SON: Dad, did you know while filming Mrs. Doubtfire…..Robin Williams improvised so much…..that there were….PG, PG-13….R….and NC-17 cuts of the film?

DAD: Release that Mrs. Doubtfire NC-17 cut

DAD: Go clean your room

SON: But it’s my room

DAD: But it’s my house

SON: Then you go clean it

SON: Dad,…..you do know I’m Vegan….and the chicken you’re eating…..had a family

DAD: That’s why I ordered the family bucket…..no one gets left behind

SON: Sorry dad…..I called you by accident

DAD: No worries…..I had you by accident

SON: Could you pick me up?

DAD: Why, what happened?

SON: The teacher pointed at me with the ruler and said…. “At the end of this ruler is an idiot”…..and I asked….. “Which end?”…..so I got suspended

DAD: Hahahaha…..You are so awesome…..you’re not even grounded