June 25, 2023

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……SIS and SISTA…..Apt. 555

SISTA: Wow…..man, I have never been this high in my life

SIS: Can you move?

SISTA: Why?….am I in the way?

SISTA: Oh give me a break….I wasn’t that drunk

SIS: Really?….in Walmart when the intercom thing came on…..you dropped to your knees and screamed….. “THE LORD HAS SPOKEN”

SISTA: Awesome…..

SISTA: So,….have you taken a shower yet?

SIS: No, but I was gonna take one when I got home

SISTA: So, you’re telling me…..you’ve been walking around all day….with bird shit in your hair?

SIS: So, how’s your day going?

SISTA: It was great until 10am

SIS: What happened at 10am?

SISTA: I woke up

SIS: I’ll cook dinner tonight…..because I know how much you love my home cooking

SISTA: There needs to be a word for when you’re starving….but would rather die….than eat any of the food you cook

SISTA: What is 5Q plus 5Q?

SIS: 10Q?

SISTA: You’re welcome

SISTA: You know…. “Coward”…..should really mean…..to move in the direction of a cow

SIS: WTF are you smoking now?

SIS: Hey,….the neighbor’s kids challenged us to a water fight

SISTA: I’m in….just wait until the water finishes boiling

SIS: So,…..and how was your new blind date last night?

SISTA: Let’s just say….if he was the trophy at the end of my race…..I would walk backwards

SIS: But last week, it looked like you were chasing after the guy…..to get him to date you

SISTA: The only time I’ll chase a guy….is if he steals my food

SIS: Are you drinking again?

SISTA: No….it’s just tea

SIS: Oh really?….what kind of tea?

SISTA: Tea-quila

SISTA: I’m so fat

SIS: No…..you’re beautiful

SISTA: I didn’t say I was ugly…..I said I was fat

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……DAUGHTER and MOM……Penthouse 1……

DAUGHTER: MOM…..WATCH OUT!!!!

MOM: Whew,…..thanks, I didn’t even see that car…..you saved my life

DAUGHTER: Yeah, I couldn’t let you get squished……because I might not like my new stepmom

DAUGHTER: Mom.,….how much of this meatball is meat?

MOM: Probably like 90%

DAUGHTER: So, it’s 10% balls?

MOM: (spits out her food….)

DAUGHTER: Mom….you do know you have too many kids right?

MOM: Yeah, I know….which one should I get rid of?

DAUGHTER: Mom,…..sometimes I feel so stupid

MOM: Darling…..whenever you’re feeling stupid……just remember Kim Kardashian played poker…..wearing mirrored glasses

DAUGHTER: Mom…..we’re out of cheese

MOM: You should say not….. “we’re out”…..but….. “I ate all the cheese”…..you need to learn to be responsible, honey

MOM: How make chicken

DAUGHTER: What??

MOM: Where buy chicken

DAUGHTER: Mom, I’m not google

MOM: Avacoda

MOM: (texting her daughter)…..You left your phone at home

DAUGHTER: That pain in the butt 4-year-old off-spring you thought was a good idea to have….won’t go to bed….do you think it’s ok if I let him watch tonight’s Game of Thrones?

MOM: ARE YOU INSANE????…..absolutely not!…..there’s way too much going on…..he’ll be completely lost…..he has to start from season one…..or it just won’t make any sense

MOM: Am I a bad mother Jane?

DAUGHTER: My name is Gracie

MOM: I need more contacts….I just put in my last pair….so I’ll need another set in like a month and a half if that’s possible

DAUGHTER: So,….do you order them….or should eye?

MOM: You’re an ass

DAUGHTER: Mom…..

MOM: Yes dear

DAUGHTER: Did you know….if you put your left shoe on the wrong foot….it’s on the right foot?

MOM: You’re still an ass

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