SIS: You know…..I’ve been in 7 car accidents this year….you can’t tell me God doesn’t have a plan for me
SISTA: Girl,….it sounds like…..he tryna to kill you
SIS: Seriously, money aside….what do you need right now?
SISTA: The money you just put aside
SIS: What the hell is wrong with you today??
SISTA: Not one time in any of the Fast and Furious movies…..did they stop for gas
SIS: Come on, what do you mean you don’t like your new job`……you have to always give 100% at work
SISTA: Oh, ok…..how about this…..Monday…..11%…..Tuesday……24%……Wednesday…..40%……..Thursday…..23%…..Friday…..2%…..that works for you?
(Argument at family dinner)
SIS: (Whispers….) Don’t start taking sides this time
SISTA: Why not…..(while sliding roast potatoes in her pocket)….they’re too busy yelling to notice
SIS: I eat mostly whole foods
SISTA: So do I…..whole pizzas, whole packets of biscuits……whole cakes, whole bags of Doritos…..and whole tubs of ice cream
SIS: Can I call the cops on our neighbors?…..they have a newborn baby who cries all the time….the baby disrupts my sleep…..the crying is annoying and makes me angry
SISTA: Yes….make them arrest the baby
SIS: I like brushing my teeth
SISTA: Well, that good
SIS: It makes them sharper
SISTA: You need to back the fuck up
SIS: Can we please start a support group for procrastinators?
SISTA: Sure…..tomorrow sounds good
SIS: Are you ever going to grow up and talk to me again?
SISTA: Okay, what would you like to talk about?
SIS: I’d rather talk in person
SISTA: Okay…..I’ll meet you in the Blockbuster’s parking lot
SIS: Blockbusters isn’t even a thing anymore
SISTA: Exactly
SIS: I’m going to Nashville in a few days….any other places I should visit?
SISTA: Hell
SISTA: Do you have $2,500 dollars I can borrow?
SIS: Why do you need $2,500 dollars?
SISTA: For an escape room
SIS: What kind of escape room costs $2,5000????
SISTA: Jail
SISTA: How does “The Rock” pee?
SIS: I don’t know…..I guess like everyone else
SISTA: He Dwaynes his Johnson
SIS: Being kissed in your sleep is like…..the purest form of love
SISTA: Unless you are home alone
SIS: OMG!…..this guy abused his girlfriend….and then told the police…..he was sleep fighting…..what the hell is that?
SISTA: Don’t madda…..two days later her boyfriend died of food poisoning…..and she told the police…..she was sleep cooking
SIS: I just turned 50 and I feel so old
SISTA: Oh, don’t let it get you down….you’re the same age as Baby Yoda….and he’s the cutest thing in the universe
SIS: What could be more wonderful than hearing someone say….. “I love you?”
SISTA: Hearing the whirring sound made by the ATM machine…..as it dispenses the cash
SISTA: WTF do you think I have a drinking problem`
SIS: Because I asked you to toast some bread…..and you raised your wine glass and said….. “Here’s to bread!”
SIS: Last night I dreamt I was walking on a beautiful sandy beach
SISTA: Well, that explains the footprints in the litter box
SISTA: Ugh…..I feel like crap
SIS: What’s wrong?
SISTA: It’s my day 2…..without carbs
SIS: You gonna be ok?
SISTA: Don’t know…..I just lost my hearing in my right eye
SIS: Awwww, that’s so sweet
SISTA: What?
SIS: A Sesame Street Muppet will become the first…..to experience homelessness
SISTA: Are you kiddin’ me?…..Oscar the Grouch been living in a trash can for 49 years
SIS: Name a best way to toast someone?
SISTA: Over a fire
SIS: So tell me….when was the last time a man opened a car door for you?
SISTA: When I was arrested
SIS: Have you ever looked at someone and thought…..shut the hell up….and they weren’t even speaking?……why are you staring at me?
SIS: Awwww, don’t be sad…..always remember….you matter
SISTA: Not if you multiply yourself with the speed of light…..then your energy