September 29, 2023

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……DAUGHTER and MOM……Penthouse 1……

DAUGHTER: Mom….is 4 followers a lot?

MOM: It depends on the context

DAUGHTER: Huh?

MOM: On Instagram…..not at all….in a dark alley….yes….a lot

DAUGHTER: (Mom, laying on the sofa….sleeping)…..Mom, are you sleeping?

MOM: No….I’m training to die

MOM: So,….who’s that new boy I saw you walking with?

DAUGHTER: He’s my new boyfriend….he’s a doctor

MOM: You’re 16…..and you’re new boyfriend is a doctor?

DAUGHTER: Yep

MOM: Well,….your dad is now the coach of an imaginary football team…..for the next four months

MOM: You know…..sometimes you are so rude

DAUGHTER: I’m 16…..this is my personality

DAUGHTER: Any plans for the weekend mom?

MOM: Triathlon

DAUGHTER: Wow…..swim, cycle, run?

MOM: No….book, bath, nap

DAUGHTER: Mom….do you want some Rice Krispies for breakfast?

MOM: Oh hell no

DAUGHTER: Ah….why?

MOM: Because I ate them when I was a kid…..and now when I stand up….I snap, crackle and pop

MOM: Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today?

DAUGHTER: No

MOM: Well…..better luck tomorrow

DAUGHTER: I feel weird today

MOM: What’s wrong

DAUGHTER: Have you ever had an experience….with an evil entity following you?

MOM: Yes….but once they’re potty trained….and get a bit more independent….they tend to settle down

DAUGHTER: We’re in a restaurant….don’t fill up on bread….that’s how they get you

MOM: That’s how that get YOU….I will bankrupt this Olive Garden

MOM: Oh looking what I found in my closet…..and it still fits me after 25 years

DAUGHTER: Mom….it’s a scarf

DAD: Why do you keep buying plants….when you just end up killing them?

MOM: Just to remind you….what I’m capable of

MOM: Why are you so entertained watching other kids play video games on You Tube?

DAUGHTER: Why are you so entertained watching people buy houses on HGTV?

DAD: Wow….a home cooked meal

MOM: Yes darling

DAD: You must be in Facebook jail again

MOM TEXT: Don’t worry….I’m still at the hospital and I’ll see you later

DAUGHTER: OMG…..what’s wrong?

MOM: Did you seriously just forget…..that I’m a nurse?

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……SIS and SISTA…..Apt…..555

SIS: Mom called me….so I guess you know why I’m here

SISTA: Ah….to study me….discover my weaknesses….and report back to your alien overlord?

SISTA: Morning

SIS: Why do you always say morning…..instead of good morning?

SISTA: Because if it was a good morning…..I would still be in bed…..and not talking to people

SISTA: I don’t even know what to do with a boyfriend

SIS: What do you mean?

SISTA: Like, how often do you feed it…..do I have to walk it?

TEXT: You were in my dream last night…..and I woke up and had to talk to you

SISTA: Oh lawd…..what was it?

TEXT: We were actually getting back together

SISTA: What a nightmare

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS…..AMY…..Apt. 344

AMY: So it’s ok…..for a cat to run away…..and hide under the bed…..when visitors come…..but when I do it….it’s rude and antisocial

AMY: I hate it when I’m singing a song…..and the artist gets the words wrong

TEXT: I sent you a message and you didn’t answer back

AMY (Text): Sorry I didn’t answer….I was on Tik Tok watching someone restock their fridge….and put things in clear containers for the past two hours….my bad

STRANGER IN A BAR: So why are you sitting here alone…..and having a drink?

AMY: Technically it’s not drinking alone…..if there’s a bartender

AMY: I often wonder who Pete is….and why we do things for his sake

AMY: I’m proud to announce…..that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list….I have the bucket

TEXT: I want to be more than friends

AMY: You wanna be cousins?

GUY IN A BAR: Don’t be shy….ask me out?

AMY: Ok….get out

TEXT: You told me you were interesting

AMY: No….I said I was into resting

TEXT: You’re pretty

AMY: Thanks

TEXT: I wish there was something between us

AMY: Me too

TEXT: Really?….like what?

AMY: A wall

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