May 27, 2023

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……DAUGHTER and MOM……Penthouse 1……

DAUGHTER: Mom, why do you wear make-up…..you’re like in your 40’s?

MOM: I wear make-up….so I won’t look like you

TEACHER: You failed the test

DAUGHTER: You failed to educate me

TEACHER: Are you talking back?

DAUGHTER: Yes….that’s how conversations work

MOM: Whew….that felt soooooo…..good….I ran that 5k in 10 minutes…..

DAUGHTER: The world record is 12 minutes

MOM:…..Shut up!

MOM: Our daughter doesn’t want to share her crown

HUSBAND: Give her the back crown…..you’re 45

DAUGHTER: Where do babies actually come from?

MOM: Amazon

DAUGHTER: Why does it take 9 months?

MOM: Shipping…..now go to bed

TEACHER: What comes after a sentence?

DAUGHTER: An appeal

TEACHER: Get out!

DAUGHTER: Ah mom…..you do know you’re invading my personal space

MOM: You came out of my personal space

DAUGHTER: Did you want a daughter or a son?

MOM: I wanted a back rub

DAUGHTER: No matter what…..would you always have my back?

MOM: Let’s just say….if we are ever in a “Don’t laugh” situation….don’t look at me

DAUGHTER: Mom; do you do anything to annoy dad?

MOM: Sure….when I introduce him to someone I always say,….. “I’d like you to meet my first husband”

DAUGHTER; Oh God mom…..what now?

MOM: Your dad gave me a stiffy for our anniversary last night…..unreal

DAUGHTER: A STIFFY!?!?….Ewww…. mom I don’t need to hear about that

MOM : No, a Swiffer…..30 years of marriage for a Swiffer…..what’s a stiffy?

DAUGHTER: Don’t even ask….but it’s better than a Swiffer

MOM: Hey honey….how’s your day?

DAUGHTER: Good…..I’m having the best weed of my life

MOM: Oh, me too…..where did you get yours from?

DAUGHTER: NO NO NO….I meant week….wait, what mom?

MOM: Let’s not tell your dad about this conversation

MOM: What do you want for dinner`

DAUGHTER: I’ll tell you what I want…..what I really really want

MOM: So, tell me what you want…..what you really really want

DAUGHTER: Yes….the best mom ever…..pizza would be awesome….please

DAUGHTER: I realized I still have your debt card in my wallet from Tuesday….when I went shopping….I’m sorry….how have you been buying things`

MOM: I’m using your college savings

DAUGHTER: When I’m older…..I think I’ll join the F.B.I.

MOM: Good idea

DAUGHTER: Why’s that a good idea?

MOM: Because I’m not sure why the F.B.I. is mostly men…..because a women’s ability to find shit is unmatched

MOM: (Text to her daughter)…..I’ve been on the couch since 4:30…..and I don’t plan on moving…..you may need to hunt a squirrel or something for dinner on your way home

MOM: What do you want for dinner?

DAUGHTER: Fried meat with potatoes

MOM: Wrong guess

MOM: So….Yellow or white?

DAUGHTER: I don’t know…..what’s the difference?

MOM: One is yellow…..the other one is white

MOM: Will you hurry up…..you’re going to be late….pay attention

DAUGHTER: Says the woman who woke me up at 6am to get me ready for school…..took me to the bus stop…..and realized it was Saturday.

DAUGHTER: I love you mom…..you’re such a great parent

MOM: You do know I’m watching you…..and letting you eat…..strawberries with ketchup right?

DAUGHTER: What happens after you die?

MOM: Lots of things happen after you die…..they just don’t involve you

DAUGHTER: Oh, I just love this song…..isn’t it great mom?

MOM: If I kept that song for my alarm at 6am….I’d start getting up at 5:30

DAUGHTER: Mom…..did you read about the bear…..that walked into a city hall building in California!

MOM: Well, you can’t put a bear on your state flag…..and then act surprised…..when it shows up for a town hall meeting

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *