CUSTOMER: There’s a man selling tamales out of the trunk of his car…..in the parking lot and its disturbing customers

BUBBA: Thank you for that information

BUBBA: (In the parking lot)……Are you the guy selling tamales?

TAMALE GUY: Yes

BUBBA: I’ll take three

BOSS: Did you call a customer dumb tonight?

BUBBA: No, I said “are you dumb?…..I was asking him

BOSS: Do you think that was appropriate?

BUBBA: Very much so

BOSS: Do you think you can come in on Saturday?…..I know you enjoy your weekends….but I need you here

BUBBA: Yeah, no problem…..I’ll probably be late though…..as public transportation on the weekends is very slow

BOSS: What time will you get here?

BUBBA: Monday

BUBBA: I told myself….I should stop drinking….but I’m not about to listen to some weirdo….that talks to himself

JOB INTERVIEW: It says on your resume…..that you went to Harvard University

BUBBA: Yeah,….I was visiting a friend

TEXT MESSAGE: I still love you…..I never stopped

BUBBA: I can’t imagine a worse occasion to have to ask this….but…..who is this?

JOB INTERVIEW: What did your wife do just before she had the baby?

BUBBA: She went …. “FUUUUUUCK!”…..and a bit of poo came out

JOB INTERVIEW: I meant work wise

BUBBA: Oh…..bookkeeping

BUBBA: Man, what a shit day…..first, a lady gets hit by a bus…..and then I lose my job…..as a bus driver

MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS …….CUZ and BRO…..Apt. 410

CUZ: Any New Years resolutions?

BRO: Yes…..I would like you to suck less

CUZ: It’s supposed to be…..something to improve your own life

BRO: Yes,….I feel my life would improve greatly….if you sucked less

BRO: Why did you put “Virgo” at the bottom of your job application?

CUZ: Because it said…..sign here

CUZ: I saw a nice flock of cows today

BRO: Herd of cows

CUZ: Of course I have…..they go “moo”

CUZ: Dude how drunk was I last night?

BRO: Well, at one point I convinced you to try and bite your nose off

CUZ: Then what happened?

BRO: You were rolling around on the floor for an hour screaming…. “IT’S GETTING AWAY IT’S GETTING AWAY”

CUZ: I hate you more than words can express

CUZ: Is it allah cart?

BRO: What???

CUZ: The restaurant….is it allah cart

BRO: It’s a la carte you cement head

CUZ: Yo Bro….

BRO: What’s up?

CUZ: I’m trying to take my girl out to eat tomorrow….but I’m broke

BRO: You’re good….that’s what friends are for right?….I’ll take her out to eat tomorrow

CUZ: Actually,….AI will never replace my job

BRO: Why not?

CUZ: Because I’m unemployed

CUZ: Did you know….. “I’m sorry and I apologize”…..mean the same thing?

BRO: Except at a funeral