BUBBA: My boss asked us to write down two things…..we liked most about our job….apparently, lunchtime and quitting time….weren’t the right answers

BUBBA: I just unplugged my WiFi box…..and I heard “WTF”….from across the street

BUBBA: I ran twice today….first, I ran out of beer….and then I ran to the store….to get more

BOSS: Why the hell aren’t you picking that up?

BUBBA: I always answer on the third ring…..makes me seem cooler

BOSS: “PICK THAT UP!!!”

BUBBA: (rolls his eyes and picks up the phone)…..911….what’s your emergency?

BUBBA: Great….I sold the lawnmower on Facebook marketplace…..that’s the last time my neighbor is gonna wake me up on the weekends

BUBBA: So,…are you two girls from England?

GIRLS: Wales

BUBBA: Oh, sorry….are you two whales from England?

BUBBA: I hate people who can’t let go of the past…..and debt collectors are the worst

BUBBA: Whenever I have a panic attack….I put a brown paper bag over my mouth…..and drink all the bourbon inside….it seems to help

BUBBA: One time a genie granted me one wish…..so I said….. “I just want to be happy”….I wound up living in a cottage…..with 6 dwarves…..and working in a mine

BUBBA: You can walk around Walmart eating grapes…..and no one will bother you…..but as soon as you pop open a beer…..here comes security

BUBBA: Someone once told me…. “You’ll never forget me”…..and for some reason…..I can’t remember who that was

BUBBA: I don’t care how old I am…..if I walk by a toy in a store…..that has a “Try Me” sticker on it…..I’m pushing that button

BOSS: Why are you late?

BUBBA: Someone told me to go the Hell…..I couldn’t find it at first….but now I’m here

BUBBA: Thanks again for all that you do for me (leans in for a kiss)

LIQUOR STORE CLERK: Can you just pay for the beer?

WAITRESS….Why won’t you pay the bill for the 42 coffees you ordered?

BUBBA: Because I said….4 tea….2 coffees

BUBBA: I’m here for the hookers and the booze

WOMAN: Sir…..this is a library

BUBBA: (whispers)….I’m here for the hookers and the booze