BOSS: Do you want to do overtime?
BUBBA: First of all,…..I don’t want to do regular time
BOSS: This is the third time we’ve had complaints…..about your attitude this week…..do you know what that means?
BUBBA: It’s Wednesday??
BUBBA: I will never forget the time I was at a party playing truth or dare…..and someone dared me to go home
BUBBA: Kinda sexy how you put those cuffs on me…..do I need a safe word?
COP: What the fuck is wrong with you?
BOSS: Why are you late?
BUBBA: Heavy traffic
BOSS: And is that my fault?
BUBBA: Did I blame you?
(Stuntman on tv)…… “Don’t try this at home!”
BUBBA: (sitting on the couch eating out of a 5lb bag of M&M’s)…..ok!
INTERVIEWER: So; what is your first name?
BUBBA: Hired
INTERVIEWER: You’re hired?
BUBBA: Thank you sir
BUBBA: I have a very vivid memory of a girl in school asking how to spell my name…..just so she could add me to her “not invited to my party” list
TEXT: Hello, is this Mr. Lucas?
BUBBA: No, this is Bubba
TEXT: Sorry, maybe I saved…..the wrong number…..hope I did not disturb you
BUBBA: It’s ok, I’m perpetually disturbed
BUBBA: Children
TEXT: I feel sorry for you
BUBBA: Yeah, me too….I didn’t want them
BUBBA (Text): I can’t come to work today…..there’s a huge ball of fire…..emitting deadly radiation
BOSS (Text): You can’t skip work…..just because the sun is out
BOSS: It says here…..you never went to jail
BUBBA: Correct…..I was taken
BUBBA: If I don’t answer the phone….do not re-call me….because I will re-not answer
BUBBA: Sorry I’m late…..my car wouldn’t start
BOSS: Why not?
BUBBA: Because I wasn’t in it
CASHIER: And how is your day going sir?
BUBBA: I’m sorry…..this is my 87th interaction today….and I just don’t have it in me
INTERVIEWER: We’re looking for someone who’s responsible
BUBBA: Well, I’m your man…..in my last job…..whenever anything went wrong….they said I was responsible