EVERYTIME I GET PISSED…..the “OLD” me and the “NEW” me…..start beefing about how to handle the situation

WHEN MY OWN ENERGY IS OFF….I stay away from people…..until I get myself together…..isolation heals me….some people wouldn’t understand this

I WILL GUARANTEE YOU…..someone’s therapist knows about me

AT MY AGE….I don’t really sleep anymore….it’s more of a doze between potty breaks

EVERYONE…..has a hidden talent they don’t know about….until the tequila is poured

SOCIAL MEDIA….gives some people a mouth…..they would never have in real life

FOR THE LIFE OF ME…..I’ll never understand…..how so many people hate immigrants who pay taxes….but admire billionaires….who don’t

LET…..the moon heal you

LET….the rain cleanse you

LET….the wind renew you

LET….the sun recharge you

REMEMBER….when your knees were named left and right….instead of good and bad?

THE WAGE GAP ISN’T REAL….men just tend to go for higher paying jobs….like doctor, engineer and CEO…..whereas women go for lower paying jobs…..like female doctor, female engineer….and female CEO

WHEN A WOMAN…..says “WHAT?”…..it’s not because she didn’t hear you….she’s giving you a chance….to change what you said

IF YOU DON’T….make time for your wellness….you’ll be forced…..to make time for your illness

PLEASE…..don’t try to out crazy me….I haven’t even dipped into my reserves yet

JUST IMAGINE….a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol

DON’T LET….anyone else ruin your day….it’s your day…ruin it yourself

I’VE COOKED….for men I should’ve poisoned….so yea, I have self-control

THEY KEEP SAYING…..that nobody wants to work anymore….but really….nobody wants to be…..overworked and underpaid anymore

WE ALL KNOW SOMEONE….who can’t speak an entire sentence…..without swearing at least once

IF YOU’RE…..experiencing joint pain…..you’re probably holding the lit end

IF I’M EVER IN A ROOM….and I say….. “First of all Motherf…..” get me out of there…..because I’m about to hurt someone’s feelings

PARENT TIP: if you fill a pinata with ketchup….you never have to host a children’s party ever again

APPARENTLY….staying to yourself and not bothering people……bothers people

BLURSDAY:….when you’re not sure what day of the week it is

I UNDERSTAND BEING A RESPONSIBLE ADULT….but every day?……every single day?…..that seems a bit excessive….

THE SECRET TO…a clean kitchen is simple…..don’t cook….EVER!

AND MY FAVORITE…..

DON’T ACT….like you never waddled across the house……to get a new roll of toilet paper…..with your pants around your ankles