THE HOURS….between coffee and wine….are really pointless
EVERYTIME…..a birds craps on my car….I eat a plate of wings on the front porch….to show them what I’m capable of
AS A KID….I used to watch the Wizard of Oz and wonder….how someone could talk….if they didn’t have a brain….then I got on social media
IN THREE WORDS….I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life…..it goes on
THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE….you never would’ve met….if it weren’t for music
ONCE A WOMAN….Takes off her bra….don’t ask her to do anything…..she has clocked out from life
YOU MAD….at what I said – or you mad because it’s true?
YOU BELIEVE….that all humanity came from Adam and Eve….and humans have not evolved at all since….so tell me….between the two of them….which was Black….which was White….and which was Asian?
NEWS FLASH….A Titanic replica could set sail by 2022 and follow the original route
COMMENT…. “It should survive this time….considering we’ve melted all the icebergs”
IMAGINE YOUR KIDS…..running up to you at the cash register and yell…. “Put this in your purse too mama”
WINE….because it’s not good to keep things bottled up
I JUST GOT MY MUSICIAN FRIEND…..a “get better soon” card….he isn’t sick….I just think he can get better
I DON’T UNDERSTAND….why I gotta pay a light bill….if God said:…. “Let there be light?”
FUTURE HISTORIANS LOOKING AT FOX NEWS:
“And this gentlemen….was an ancient form of brainwashing that was used in the 21st century….though primitive, it was an effective tool….for lowering the IQ of a large percentages of the population….and manipulating those who fell victim to it for political goals”
I WILL NEVER FIT IN…..that’s one of my best qualities
I ROOT FOR TWO TEAMS…..The Yankees….and whoever’s playing The Red Sox
IF YOU COUNT YOUR MONEY…..when it comes out of an ATM machine….you officially don’t trust a damn thing
STRANGER:… “WTF is wrong with you?”
ME:…. “You mean today or like in general?”
YOU GIVE THE BEST….relationship advice….but you are single…..why?…..because coaches don’t play
BE GRATEFUL…..that no matter how much chocolate you eat….your earrings will still fit.
THIS GENERATION….will never understand what that Sears Roebuck Christmas catalog meant to us 40-50 years ago.
NOTHING…..brings a group of assholes together….faster than something that’s none of their fucking business
IT’S A FACE MASK!…..not the Star of David…..or a pink triangle you whiny, privileged dolt……you’re not being shoved into a cattle car and taken to a camp..…you’re going to Walmart for twinkies and diet coke….GROW UP!
AND MY FAVORITE (Thanks Lois…)
SORRY BUT YOUR PASSWORD MUST CONTAIN:….at least 8 characters….upper and lower case letter…..a symbol or number….a hieroglyph….a haiku…..a musical note….the feather of a hawk….and a drop of unicorn blood
MY MOVIE FAVORITE LINE….
THE PAST….is like a dream…a mosaic of images…and feelings that offers some truth as to how we got here….even if details are blurred with time…..(Sweet Girl)