August 29, 2023

MAUI RESIDENTS: “WE’RE NOT BEING TREATED LIKE WE’RE US CITIZENS”

….Oh really?…..and that’s pissing you off?…..well, welcome to Flint, Michigan’s world!

NEW MOON MAP REVEALS STRUCTURES HIDDEN BENEATH THE LUNAR SURFACE……China’s Changé-4 mission rover…..peered 300 meters beneath the surface of the moon……that revealed billions of years of lunar history……by using its lunar Penetrating Radar (LPR)…..the first 130ft under the surface is made up of dust, soil and rocks…..and there’s a presence of a buried crater that formed when a large object slammed into the surface….they also discovered multiple layers in the upper 300m…..which likely indicate a series of basalt eruptions that occurred billions of years ago…..basically they’re saying…..lunar lava flowed across the landscape in this part of the moon billions of years ago…..supported by the volcanic rock layers being thinner ……the closer they are to the lunar surface….and research says the volcanic activity cooled gradually since the moon’s formation over 4.5 billion years ago……and here I thought they were going to tell us…..they discovered a hidden alien civilization……or a secret hidden Nazi moon base…..oh what?…..you never watched the film…..Iron Sky?…..I was even hoping they came up with a more sensible theory as to why the moon died…..like, humans first lived on Mars…..and killed it…..then they migrated to the Moon…..and killed it……and now they’re on Earth……and killing it.

GOVERNOR OF NEVADA WANTS AC/DC FOR SUPER BOWL LVIII HALFTIME SHOW…..Cool…..I’m good with that decision.

WHY YOU SHOULD AVOID SQUISHING ANTS IN YOUR HOME AT ALL COST…..As if!…..the article said that fluids from the ant’s body….produces pheromones…..which signals  its entire colony to come and find him…..and this biological process actually helps keep ant colonies safe from disease…..ants will remove dead ant bodies from the colony and leave them in places where the dead ant can’t contaminate the rest of the colony…..whatever Joe….look, if it’s not a Ladybug…..any insect, arachnoid….or any other bug…..that comes into my home…..better make their peace with the Bug God…..and if the ants come looking for their partner…..the better check the tissue I picked it up in…..the last magazine or newspaper I read…..or the bottom of my Nike sneaker.

PERUVIAN VILLAGE HORRIFIED BY ATTACKS FROM GIANT YELLOW-EYED ALIENS…..Ok,…..last week it was green ones ripping off their faces…..and now it’s yellow-eyed ones putting a beatdown on them?…..y’all need to ease up on……the Peruvian marching powder……because you’re snorting way too much.

SALMA HAYEK NEARLY FLASHED THE CAMERA IN THIS YELLOW BIKINI TOP….Honestly,…..if I was still doing paparazzi work…..and she flashed me….the only photo I would’ve taken…..would’ve been a memory…..she had me in Dusk to Dawn…..I don’t like snakes…..but that woman made me replay her dance…..over…..and over…..and over……

TRUMP SUPPORTERS COMPARE HIS MUGSHOT TO MLK’S…..All of his supporters…..were conceived near the Three Mile Island’s radioactive spill…..I hope that helps you understand them.

SIMONE BILES WINS RECORD 8th ALL-AROUND TITLE….And some people are probably still fuming on the choice she made…..last Olympics…..I’ll repeat myself again….. “SIMONE DON’T OWE Y’ALL SHIT!”

WALMART IS STILL SELLING MEAT THAT HAS TURNED BROWN……And I can attest to that…..I was shopping there one day…..wanted to fry some chicken……and the meat had a darker tan than me…..I looked at the expiration date…..and it was six days old…..and people were still shoving loads of it in their shopping carts…..not only chicken…..beef, pork…..etc…..like I said before…..I can’t eat the food back home….without doing some serious work…..at seeking out the best products…..it was disgusting…..even the veggies were rotten and old…..I did exactly what the lady…..who was mentioned in this article did….I went to a store…..that had an onsite butcher…..and live worms have been spotted in Costco seafoods.

MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE CALLS TRANS PEOPLE A “CULT” THAT’S CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN…..Man oh man…..I love my new favorite crazy person….and the more she opens her mouth…..the more I understand why her husband….wants to leave her…..I can’t wait to hear what she has to say….in about 5 minutes from now.

WOOLY MAMMOTHS TO BE REBORN BY 2027, SAYS BIOTECH FIRM…..You need to seriously not do that……they died for a reason…..has it occurred to anyone if…..they succeed in performing this feat…..people might be next?…..don’t!

INSTEAD OF THROWING OUT EMPTY TUNA CANS, USE THEM AS LAST-MINUTE DINNER PARTY DÉCOR…..Two things……one…..this is the dumbest idea in a while…..like yesterday while…..and two…..whomever came up with this idea…..no toys for you on Christmas day…..they want you to scrub them clean…..remove the labels……and drop a candle in the can…..Nicole would slap the you know what out of me…..if she came home to a romantic dinner I prepared…..and saw a candle sitting in a tuna can……oh, she would eat the dinner…..and I’d need some ice for the cans that bounced off my head…..and left a lump.

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