WIFE: I realized I need you very much
HUSBAND: Why, what happened?
WIFE: I’ve been trying to open this jar for 30 minutes…..and I can’t
WIFE: What do you think we should do this weekend?
HUSBAND: Eat pizza
WIFE: No, something romantic
HUSBAND: Eat pizza in the rain…..and sing
HUSBAND: You know, my folks really like you…..they called you a very sweet and clever girl
WIFE: I’m glad to hear that
HUSBAND: But I couldn’t resist…..and told them that they’re mistaken
HUSBAND: Darling, to me you are one in a billion
WIFE: Wait a minute!…..Earth’s population is seven billion
HUSBAND: What??
WIFE: So, this means you’re dating six more girls behind my back?
HUSBAND: That’s not what I meant
WIFE: Too late…..the truth is out…..good luck with your secret harem
HUSBAND: Are you mad at me?
WIFE: No
HUSBAND: Good
WIFE: What the heck do you mean?…..What’s so freaking good about it?…..when I say I’m not mad at you…..this doesn’t really mean…..I’m not mad at you
HUSBAND: You spend all your day sleeping, eating and lounging on the sofa
WIFE: That’s because I’m Catwoman…..just not the kind you see in the Batman movies
WIFE: We can’t live together any more…..do you know why?
HUSBAND: Because I’m a heartless jerk…..and I don’t give a damn about your feelings?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Piece of cake….next question please…..try something more difficult
WIFE: You see, I’m not that bright…..you’re much more wise, mature and experienced than me
HUSBAND: Umm…..right
WIFE: What do you mean “Umm…right?”….you were supposed to say;….. “No, darling….you’re incredibly smart”
HUSBAND: Honey, I’ve made a decision…..I won’t ever argue with you again
WIFE: You made a decision huh?…..on your own…..without asking me first?…..does my opinion mean nothing to you?
HUSBAND: Nancy; when I woke up last night you weren’t there…..where were you honey?
WIFE: I was at home…..now where the heck did you wake up last night…..darling?
WIFE: I need your cuddles
HUSBAND: I need your kisses
WIFE: I need you
HUSBAND: I need yo booty
WIFE: We can’t be cute for one minute