HIGHWAY TRAFFIC SIGN:…..Prepare to be annoyed
SPELL CHECK….can be your best friend…..or your worst enema
AS SOON AS YOU’RE BORN…..you are given a name…..a religion…..a nationality and a race….you spend the rest of your life…..defending a fictional identity
DO NOT ENTER MY OFFICE….please respect my personal space…..nothing to do with the Covid virus…..I am just a miserable bastard
READ THE VOWELS…..in “Celine Dion” out loud
AM I GETTING OLDER….or is the supermarket finally playing great music?
ACCORDING TO NORSE LEGEND……when you cannot sleep at night…..it is because you are awake
FITNESS STUDIO SIGN:….Tired of being fat and ugly?…..just be ugly!
MASK ARE THE NEW BRA…..you only wear them in public…..and when you don’t wear one….everyone notices
EVERY DAY….set the simple goal of trying to be more awake…..and less distracted
IF YOU CAN’T…..be a good example…..be a warning
I’M SO SINGLE….if I win a trip for two…..I’m going twice
WHEN YOU HAVE…..more years behind you….you think about life differently
LIVE YOUR LIFE….so the preacher won’t have to lie at your funeral
PLEASE DON’T…..rely on me for directions….I will literally have us….two states away in a cornfield
CHRISTIANS…..warned us about the anti-Christ 2,000 years ago…..and when he shows up…..they buy a bible from him
WHAT PART OF…. “I’m not spending no more money”…..didn’t I understand?…..I get on my nerves
AM I THE ONLY ONE….that gives neighbors names they don’t know I have?….like “Red truck dude”….. “Sweet grandma with the rose bush”….. “The slut across the street”
LISTEN…I’m a pretty decent person…..so if I’m being an asshole….you need to ask yourself why
GEORGE ORWELL: Dear world…..did you not read my book?
REMEMBER….that feeling you got when the second plane hit the twin towers…..and you realized what was going on?…….in November…..you should have that same feeling again
IT’S HARD….to win an argument with a smart person….but it’s damn near impossible…..to win an argument with a stupid person
PRO-CHOICE….doesn’t mean I love abortion…..it means I don’t tell other people what to do…..when they are in a situation…..I may never understand myself
THERE HAVE BEEN…..nearly 3,000 Gods so far….but only yours actually exists…..the others are silly made up nonsense….but not yours…..yours is real
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ……the charm of a sleazy motel
DON’T…..encourage delusion
BE GOOD TO YOURSELF….if you do not take care of your body….where will you live?
ALWAYS REMEMBER….only an idiot argues with a speeding bus
AND MY FAVORITE…..
THOSE…..that have been hurt the most…..have the greatest ability to heal
KAMUSTA FRIENDS……(Hello in…..Tagalog)
HIGHWAY TRAFFIC SIGN:…..Prepare to be annoyed
SPELL CHECK….can be your best friend…..or your worst enema
AS SOON AS YOU’RE BORN…..you are given a name…..a religion…..a nationality and a race….you spend the rest of your life…..defending a fictional identity
DO NOT ENTER MY OFFICE….please respect my personal space…..nothing to do with the Covid virus…..I am just a miserable bastard
READ THE VOWELS…..in “Celine Dion” out loud
AM I GETTING OLDER….or is the supermarket finally playing great music?
ACCORDING TO NORSE LEGEND……when you cannot sleep at night…..it is because you are awake
FITNESS STUDIO SIGN:….Tired of being fat and ugly?…..just be ugly!
MASK ARE THE NEW BRA…..you only wear them in public…..and when you don’t wear one….everyone notices
EVERY DAY….set the simple goal of trying to be more awake…..and less distracted
IF YOU CAN’T…..be a good example…..be a warning
I’M SO SINGLE….if I win a trip for two…..I’m going twice
WHEN YOU HAVE…..more years behind you….you think about life differently
LIVE YOUR LIFE….so the preacher won’t have to lie at your funeral
PLEASE DON’T…..rely on me for directions….I will literally have us….two states away in a cornfield
CHRISTIANS…..warned us about the anti-Christ 2,000 years ago…..and when he shows up…..they buy a bible from him
WHAT PART OF…. “I’m not spending no more money”…..didn’t I understand?…..I get on my nerves
AM I THE ONLY ONE….that gives neighbors names they don’t know I have?….like “Red truck dude”….. “Sweet grandma with the rose bush”….. “The slut across the street”
LISTEN…I’m a pretty decent person…..so if I’m being an asshole….you need to ask yourself why
GEORGE ORWELL: Dear world…..did you not read my book?
REMEMBER….that feeling you got when the second plane hit the twin towers…..and you realized what was going on?…….in November…..you should have that same feeling again
IT’S HARD….to win an argument with a smart person….but it’s damn near impossible…..to win an argument with a stupid person
PRO-CHOICE….doesn’t mean I love abortion…..it means I don’t tell other people what to do…..when they are in a situation…..I may never understand myself
THERE HAVE BEEN…..nearly 3,000 Gods so far….but only yours actually exists…..the others are silly made up nonsense….but not yours…..yours is real
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ……the charm of a sleazy motel
DON’T…..encourage delusion
BE GOOD TO YOURSELF….if you do not take care of your body….where will you live?
ALWAYS REMEMBER….only an idiot argues with a speeding bus
AND MY FAVORITE…..
THOSE…..that have been hurt the most…..have the greatest ability to heal