…..If the Samsung S9 cellphone is waterproof…..it is…..I found out and I’m still alive to tell ya…..because I washed Nicole’s phone with my underwear last night.
PORTUGAL FLIGHTS SOAR TO 16 TIMES THE PRICE OF A TICKET AS 100,000 BRITS RUSH HOME…..They’re all trying to rush home before the new.….10-day quarantine restrictions kick in……and Ryanair and Easyjet….….are two of the top 5 rip-off airlines on the planet…..you don’t get a thing on those airlines…..except a seat…..we flew Ryanair to Greece…..never again.….those Brits are screwed twice…..Ryanair and Eaysjet are going to get their cash because people are desperate…..Ryanair tickets went from 17 Pounds…..to 285…..Easyjet…..53…to 227…..from June 8th on…..people returning from Portugal will need to self-isolate for ten days after returning to the UK.….and people are panicking to get back home…..the second problem is…..Portugal is one of the worse countries to fly out of…..the airport staff are slow…..not Italy slow…..but a close second slow.
JUSTIN BIEBER TEAMS UP WITH USHER, LUDACRIS AND SNOOP DOGG FOR “PEACHES” (REMIX)…..I don’t know who Peaches is…..or why all of you feel the need to remix her…..but one thing is for sure…..if you need to hire or collaborate with them.….in hopes of getting a hit record again…..that definitely lets me know one thing…..you suck!…..what?….your name doesn’t carry any weight in the music world anymore?…..I could hook-up with them and come out with a hit…..except for Usher…..he can git…..never been a fan…..he can dance…..but singing…..nah!…..and yeah, you can tell him I said it!
FRENCH PRESIDENT EMMANUEL MACRON SLAPPED BY A MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC….Someone went to jail last night….slapping a political figure?…..not a good idea…..he was some Far-Right idiot who wanted to make a point.….in regards to the French political situation in the country…..enjoy your stay in prison.
I HATE HOTEL BATH TOWELS…..they’re so thick and fluffy…..I can’t even close my suitcase
WE DON’T KNOW…..when we’ll watch our last sunset…..or say goodbye…..but what we do know is that we have now…..we can live in the moment and treasure what we are blessed with
WE PICK OUR FRIENDS…..but real life situation sort them out
I’M SO TIRED…..almost time to crawl into bed…..and not be able to sleep for three hours
I LOVE THE PERSON I’VE BECOME…..because I fought to become her
POLICE OFFICER:….I can smell weed
DRIVER:….Yeah? That’s because you’re not practicing social distancing
HEY WALMART…..don’t get pissed at me if I forgot to scan something…..you literally gave me zero training before making me a cashier
WHO KNOWS WHY…..we were taught to fear the witches…..and not those who burned them alive
99% OF YOUR PROBLEMS…..are created by you…..because you take life seriously
POLICE OFFICER:….Sir, it seem you’ve been drinking…..could you say the alphabet starting with “M?”
DRIVER:…..Malphabet
BEWARE…..of false knowledge…..it is more dangerous than ignorance
SHE TOLD ME…..she was stripping to feed her kids…..but wanna cuss me out…..when I put 7 cans of green beans on the stage
AMERICA IS MAD…..at black people for saying “Black Lives Matter”…..we’re mad for having to say it at all
DO NOT LET THEM TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE…..when you enter a store…..it’s a “SCAM”…..they are erasing your memory…..I went in for bread and milk…..and I came out with 6 bottles of wine
IT IS NO MEASURE…..of health to be well…..adjusted to a profoundly sick society
ALL YOU NEED…..is less
I AIN’T RICH…..but I get off my ass everyday…..to make sure I ain’t broke
LET’S BE HONEST…..we’ve all dated a man we’d feed to a tiger
ALCOHOL…..is not in my Vodkabulary…..however I looked it up on Whiskeypedia…..and learned if you drink too much…..it’s likely Tequilya
IT’S OK TO BE WHITE, BLACK, STRAIGHT OR GAY…..but it’s never okay to stop at a yellow light…..when we both could have fucking made it
CRY AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO…..but just make sure when you’re finished…..you never cry for the same reason again
MAYBE…..if we underpaid these modern mumble rappers…..and overpaid teachers…..there would be smarted people in the future…..and less shitty music
FATHER OF THE WORLD’S LARGEST FAMILY IN INDIA DIES AT THE AGE OF 76…..This dude was busy…..38 wives…..89 children and 36 grandchildren.….Ziona Chana…..they say was born in 1945….and met his oldest wife who’s three years his senior at the age of 17…..the sect he led called Chana Pawl has approximately 2,000 followers…..and was founded by his grandfather in 1942…..but some people are questioning whether this is true…..or BS…..I asked Nicole if I could have 38 wives…..she said, “Sure, you can have whatever you want – minus one!”
WILDLIFE MANAGER FINDS $1.2 MILLION IN COCAINE AT CAPE CANAVERAL BEACH…..Well, I guess going up in space can be….a tad stressing…..am I the only one who noticed…a lot of blow is washing up on the shores of Florida?
OVER 5,800 US POSTAL WORKERS WERE ATTACKED BY DOGS LAST YEAR…..Tell ya what…..if I’m delivering your mail.….you better tie that mutt up……or you’re not getting your check.