I LOVE…..when things work out so much better…..than you could’ve planned it
DURING THE APOCALYPSE….the rich people will be safe in their bunkers….it’ll be someone’s job to drop live rattlesnakes down their air vents….that’s where I come in
I’M SO SORRY…..my post about a guy….trying to destroy America….annoys you
YOU KNOW THAT THING….inside your head that keeps you….from saying stuff you probably shouldn’t?….yeah, mine’s broken
EVERYONE….needs a friend who they probably shouldn’t…..be allowed to sit next to….at a serious function
MEETING YOU WAS FATE….becoming your friend was a choice….falling in love with you….was beyond my control
HE DOESN’T NEED…..more Secret Service agents…..if “thoughts & prayers”…..are good enough for our children….it’s good enough for him
WHEN YOUR LOYALTY….to a felon….is greater than the love for your country…..you are the problem
GO AHEAD….and put up the Christmas tree…..nothing makes sense anyways
THE THINGS….you are hearing men say about Kamala Harris right now…..real men don’t talk that way about women
MY MOTHER…..raised me to be the most kind hearted person you’ll ever meet….but if you mess with me….I’ll show you…..why I have my father’s last name
DON’T BE SCARED BUT…..Halloween 2024…..is on Friday the 13th……for the first time….in 666 years
I THINK…..I was born irritated…..there’s no way…..people get on my nerves this much
I WILL NEVER….be over the hill…I am too damn tired to climb it
WHOEVER SAID…..staying at home saves you money….has clearly never heard of Amazon
EVEN AFTER ENLIGHTMENT….you still have to do the laundry
THANK GOODNESS….my book finally arrived….I almost started cleaning the house
IF WE CAN’T….drink and drive….why do bars have parking lots
IN THE BIBLE….God sent two bears….to murder 42 children…..because they had mocked a man for being bald
IF THE GROCERY STORE….has a section for “Health Food”…..then what is the rest of the store?
FOR MY OWN PEACE….I delete….I block…..I disown….I leave…..I ignore
HAVING A SOFT HEART….in a cruel world is courage….not weakness
AT MY AGE….rolling out of bed in the morning is the easy part…..getting off the floor however….is an entirely different story
ISN’T IT ODD…..that believers get possessed by demons…..yet atheists never do?
I DON’T KNOW…..the secret to happiness….but I have never been sad….drinking wine on a beach
I GET CALLED….a bitch quite often….what I don’t get called is a….pushover, stupid, sweetheart or a doormat….works for me
SHE WENT TO AFRICA….with Ernest Hemingway….and to India with Rudyard Kipling…..she traveled the world….while sitting in her little room….in a little village
IT’S CANDY CORN SEASON….for all you crayon eating psychopaths
THERE IS….one word that describes….people I don’t like….. “Irrelevant”
AND MY FAVORITE…..
THE CHILDLESS WOMEN…..have been mothering the world and elevating culture as…..aunties, godmothers, teachers….you do not need to push out a baby….to help push humanity forward