….. Hollywood..…you need to stop..…here are a few films you destroyed just to make a buck….La Cage aux Folles (The Birdcage)….Infernal Affairs (The Departed)….Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (Guess Who)….The Manchurian Candidate (The Manchurian Candidate-2004)…..Nosferatu (Nosferatu-1979)….Oldboy (Oldboy-2013)….Black Orpheus (Orfeu)…..La Femme Nikita (Point of No Return)….The Producers (The Producers-2005)…..and last but not least….you have the nerve to destroy an Oscar winning Argentinean film called The Secret in Their Eyes….by casting Julia Roberts in the re-make?…..shame on you!….and trust me….there are many more you screwed up….and here are a few other’s you’re going to mess up….Time Bandits…(REALLY?)….The Seven Samurai (ok, I’ll give you The Magnificent Seven but come on,,…)…Dirty Dancing (please don’t)…..An American Werewolf in London (NO!!).
AMERICAN’S WORST EXCUSES FOR CALLING IN SICK….My Grandmother poisoned me with ham….I was stuck under the bed….broke his arm trying to reach for a falling sandwich…the universe was telling him to take the day off….wife found out he was cheating and spent the day retrieving his belongings from a dumpster….poked herself in the eye while combing her hair….wife put all his underwear in the washer…the meal he cooked for a department dinner didn’t turn out so well…was going to the beach because her doctor said she needed more vitamin D…..her cat was stuck inside the dashboard of her car.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST….A WOMAN’S POEM…..He didn’t like my casserole…and he didn’t like my cake….he said my biscuits were too hard….not like his mother used to make….I didn’t make the coffee right…he didn’t like my stew…I didn’t fold his pants…the way his mother used to do…I pondered for an answer…I was looking for a clue…then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him….like his mother used to do!
AND OFF TO THE WORLD OF THE STUPID… Woman starved to death trying to live on sunlight alone
Someone played pornography over loudspeaker at California Target and parents freaked out
Migrants jump on a truck – come face-to-face with a roaring polar bear
Woman called the police because a black man opened a door for her at the bank
No health risk for dead rodent on Subway sandwich
Sex with robot’s conference banned in Malaysia
Dead body mistaken for Halloween decoration
100-year-old Met’s fan will toss you from his house if you root for the Yankees
Man wearing rollerblades steals ambulance
MISS IRAQ BEAUTY PAGENT TO BE HELD FOR THE 1st TIME SINCE 1972….And I’ll bet you a beer and a burger…..the swimsuit part ain’t happening.
CHINESE PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA LOOKALIKE XIAO JIGUO CHARGES $1,500 PER SHOW…. Can shit get any weirder?….he said one day he cut his hair because it was too hot….and soon his friends said he looked like Obama….and started calling him Obama….he said; “Who?”….he didn’t even know who Obama was….he says, “I don’t even speak English well. It sounds like English to those who don’t speak English, but it’s not English because I don’t even know what the hell I’m saying.”…..I like this guy….take the hustle…and run with the cash.
MASTER SWORDSMAN CUTS A 100-MPH FASTBALL IN HALF…..Man some people are paid millions to hit one with a bat….and can’t even do that!….this dude sliced it right down the middle….a piece of advice to burglars….don’t pick his house.