BRO: Dude, what is your street name?
CUZ: Lil Marco
BRO: You live on a street called Lil Marco
CUZ: Ohhhhh, you mean my address
PHONE CALL: I’m here for you
SUSAN: Thanks, I’m going through a tough time so it means a lot……and I’m sorry, who is this?
PHONE CALL: This is your Über driver…..I’m here to pick you up
BRO: I missed the bus
CUZ: Ok….on my way
BRO: But I did hit a person in Drivers Ed…..I’m at the ER
GRANDMA: Can you get me some long life milk on your way home`
GRANDSON: Bit optimistic…..you’re 87
GRANDMA: You’re out of the will
PHONE CALL: Hey….
SUSAN: Hey
PHONE CALL: I can’t sleep
SUSAN: I can……goodnight
BRO: I’m having a great weekend over here
CUZ: I bet you’re simply getting drunk, that’s all
BRO: Precisely what I’m trying to tell you
SUSAN: Please don’t text me for the next hour….I’m going to be on the treadmill
PHONE CALL: I wasn’t planning on texting you
SUSAN: What did I just say?
BRO: Dude guess what?
CUZ: The funniest thing happened today, and what?
BRO: I got a concussion
CUZ: OMG how?
BRO: A flowerpot fell from your apartment building when I was going to visit you and hit me on the head……so what were you going to tell me?
CUZ: Oh well, I was gonna tell you that my mom’s flowerpot fell and hit some dude on the head this morning
PHONE CALL…..Sometimes I just want to leave everything behind…..and go live in the woods…..in a cozy cabin……with a few good friends
SUSAN: Oh…..I would advise against that….it usually doesn’t end well in the movies
(Text message)
WIFE: HAVE YOU BOOKED YOUR TRAIN TICKETS YET?
HUSBAND: No, sorry…..you don’t need to shout…..I’ve had a really busy week…..will do ASAP
WIFE: I’M NOT SHOUTING? I JUST WONDER SO WE CAN MAKE PLANS
BOSS: Why were you late today?
ME: I woke up at 7:40 AM…..and blinked
SUSAN: Yeah…..I’m pregnant I missed my period
PHONE CALL: You got to be kidding me
SUSAN: No babe, how can I joke about something like this?
PHONE CALL: Let me correct you…..you’re pregnant….WE are pregnant….we’re both responsible for the baby…..I will support you and our baby……
SUSAN: It’s not yours
CUZ: Listen, what if I was abducted by aliens…..what would you do?
BRO: Why would they abduct you?
CUZ:. They need to research intelligent life
BRO: Then there’s nothing to worry about….they’d probably abduct dolphins
Hey: Are you out?
ME: Yea,….always out
HEY: Where you headed
ME: Death is the ultimate destination…..but we all makes stops along the way
AND MY FAVORITE……
PHONE CALL: What are you doing?
SUSAN: Laying in bed
PHONE CALL: Mmm…..just laying in bed?…..nothing else?
SUSAN: I’m eating my cereal
PHONE CALL: Ha ha…..nice…..what would you do if I was in bed next to you?
SUSAN: Eat my cereal
PHONE CALL: Lol….I mean, if the cereal wasn’t there?
SUSAN: Then I’d get out of bed…..and go get cereal