IN THE BEGINNING…..God made man….and then the problems started
WAITER:…How would you like your steak sir?
SIR:….Like winning an argument with my wife.
WAITER:….Rare it is.
THREE FILMS A DAY….three books a week….and records of great music….would make me happy to the day I die (Francois Truffaut)
HUMANS….get a life…..who cares if Rihanna is pregnant….WHAT THE FART????
If YOU WANT TO BAN BOOKS…..with nudity, incest, and genocide…..I have some news to tell you about what’s in the Bible
NOT A SINGLE KID….has died in mass reading….yet they’re banning books instead of guns
PITTSBURG…..just increased its police budget to $120 million…..meanwhile, their budget for infrastructure improvement is only $17.6 million
I JUST BURNED….3,000 calories…..that’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven….and take a nap
THEY SAY THE MEANING OF LIFE…..can be discovered in a fine bottle of wine…..I haven’t found that bottle yet….but I’m enjoying the search
I READ…..banned books
SCHOOL LIBRARIES DON’T……need you to donate copies of Maus….and other banned books….they need you to step up and run….for the school board….so books don’t get banned in the first place
IF YOU’RE TRYING TO BAN BOOKS….you’re probably not the nice guys
NOT EVERYONE LIKES ME….but not everyone matters
LIFE IS A LOT LIKE JAZZ…..it’s best when you improvise
SOMETIMES MEMORIES….sneak out of my eyes….and roll down my cheeks
THERE IS A BOOK….where the couple is nude….until the authority forces them to wear clothes…..they have premarital sex…..and have two sons….one son kills the other….there is no record if they ever married…..the books is filled with violence….murder….and torture….and it’s a best seller
THOSE WHO CAN MAKE YOU…..believe absurdities…..can make you commit atrocities
THE MORE ANTI-VAXXERS THERE ARE…..the fewer Anti-Vaxxers there are
I LOVE….how we didn’t raise minimum wage…..because it would make food more expensive….but then just made food more expensive anyways
YOU CAN KILL A REVOLUTIONARY…. but you can’t kill a revolution
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL:…..focus on your own shit
HISTORY WILL JUDGE “THEM”…..isn’t exactly a super compelling argument….when they’re making it illegal to teach history
WIFE: Can you please recommend books that makes me cry?
HUSBAND: Data Structures and Algorithms in Java (2nd edition)
I LOVE THE WOMAN I’VE BECOME…..because I fought to become her
IF YOU REPEAT….a lie often enough….it becomes….politics
I GOT CALLED CRAZY….for assuming shit….that turned out to be true
YOKO ONO….has threatened to have her music added to Spotify…..unless Joe Rogan is remove
IT DOESN’T WORK….to hope that prison is awful…..for someone you despise……and pray for it.….to be humane.….for someone you love
AND MY FAVORITE…..
THE RECORD FOR THE MOST BABIES…..to one woman is 69….Vassilyeva….from Russia….she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins.….seven sets of triplets.….and four sets of quadruplets