THERE’S ALWAYS….that one person who knows everything….but can’t give me winning lottery numbers
BEING KISSED WHEN YOU’RE ASLEEP….is one of the purest forms of love….unless you are in prison
TEACHER POSES A QUESTION TO HER KINDERGARTEN CLASS:
TEACHER:….What scares you the most?
PAUL:….Werewolves
NINA:….Sharks
DYLAN:….The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death
CATHERINE:…..Dylan
IN A WORLD….full of Aaron Rodgers….be a Colin Kaepernick
WHOEVER LOST THE iPHONE…11 pro max….outside the dollar store 30 minutes ago.….please stop calling my new phone
YOU’RE IN AMERICA NOW.….speak Navajo
WHEN YOU SMOKE WEED.….you will get high..…when you read.….you will get educated..…so when you smoke weed and read…..you will get highly educated
SOMETIMES…..I look at people and think….somewhere out there…..there is a village missing it’s idiot
SUNDAY IS MY DAY OF REST….and by that I mean….it’s the day I drink the rest of my wine
NEVER….let somebody waste your time, twice
MY UNCLE TOOK MY WEED….so I took his wheelchair….ain’t nobody rolling shit around here
YOU KNEW SHE WASN’T WIFE MATERIAL….when she cooked the eggs before the bacon
DEAR MEN….if you’re going to watch porn….at least learn from it
YOU CALL IT OCD….I call it ….put the fucking thing back where it belongs
THE ONLY REASON WHY.….the Pyramids exist in Egypt…..is because they were too heavy.….for British folks to steal and put in British museums
IF YOU FIND ME OFFENSIVE…..then I suggest you quit fucking finding me
THE GREATFUL DEAD….is just country music…..for people who like LSD
I’M ONLY IN COMPETITION…..with my last level
CANCELLING $1.7 TRILLION IN TAXES…..for 600 billionaires….but not $1.7 trillion in student debt….for 45 million Americans….is the modern version…..of let them eat cake
IF I EVER BECOME AN OPTION….don’t choose me
PSYCHOLOGIST:….So you want a divorce from Minnie because she’s a bit silly?
MICKEY MOUSE:….No, I said she’s fucking Goofy
RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS….is a race you’ll never win
THE GAS COMING OUT OF COWS….ain’t near as dangerous..…as the bull shit coming out of our politicians
IF YOU GIVE A WOMAN AN INCH….she probably won’t be calling you back
MY DAUGHTER WANTED A CINDERELLA….theme party….so I invited all her friends over and made them clean the house
MY BIGGEST FEAR….is a killer saying some funny shit while I’m playing dead
AND MY FAVORITE:……
“The real reason the white establishment has been so hard on Colin Kaepernick….in spite of the fact that his protest was very peacefully done….is to deter other Black athletes from also protesting…..when any white man in the world picks up a gun and says…. “Give me liberty or give me death”….the entire white world applauds….but if a Black man says exactly the same thing….word for word….he’s judged as a criminal (by whites) and treated as one….and everything possible is done to make an example of him….to ensure there wouldn’t be any more like him.”