MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY TODAY…..mind ya business
I HATE…..when I go out in public…..and the public is there
2019: Avoid negative people
2020: Avoid positive people
NOT ALL HEROS WEAR CAPES…..but a whole lotta them wear scrubs
THE TEACHER…..said my child was a joy to teach……the teacher lied
MY FAVORITE…..flavor of cake is……more
LIFE IS NOT A BOX OF CHOCOLATES…..it’s more like mixed vegetables…..with freezer burn
SOME PEOPLE……just need a high five……to the head…..with a chair
IMAGINE….being a time traveler…..going back to 1990…..and telling everyone that one day…..Roseanne Barr will be better looking than Madonna
DON’T BE RUDE…..to my children…..because I will lose all my manners
SON: Mamma, why is the train so slow?
MOM: Because the slow train…..gives me more time with you
BEING ALIVE….is a little out of my price range right now
I WANT…..somebody who is crazy about me…..I’m tired of being the crazy one
REMEMBER WHEN SOMEONE….ask you what you do for fun…..and you’re trying to think of an answer…..that doesn’t involve alcohol?
NOTHING….is truly lost…..until your mom can’t find it
A NEW DAY…..another chance…..feel free to change
WILLIE NELSON:…..I think youngsters need to start thinking about what kind of world…..they are going to leave me and Keith Richards
LET’S DROP THE STEREOTYPES…..on Latinas being hot and spicy please…..I am not a chicken wing
I JUST SAW A LADY….with a T-shirt that said;…. “Always late but worth the wait”…..and that is literally my new life motto
LISTEN….to silence….it has a lot to say
MOM: NO!
KIDS: Hmmm…..I feel like maybe you’re not completely committed to that no…..so I’m gonna ask you 852 more times and see
WATCHING MY MOM…..eat ice cream from a pint…..sitting in a coffee mug so her hands wouldn’t get cold…..made me realize…..I still have a lot to learn from her
THE LENGTH OF A MINUTE…..depends on which side…..of the bathroom door you’re on
UNLESS…..you fell and busted your ass on the treadmill…..no one wants to hear about your workout
THE BUTTONS ON MY JEANS…..are taking this social distance thing too far
I DON’T NEED THE….. “previously on”…..I’ve been watching the damn show for 10 hours
AND MY FAVORITE……
WHAT DID…..the drummer name his twin daughters?…..Anna 1…..Anna 2