BEFORE YOU ASSUME…..try this crazy idea……called asking
FLORIDA TOURISM AD…..Come for the sunshine…..and stay for the hate and bigotry…..make sure you pretend to be a Christian while you are here
I DUNNO…..shaving your eyebrows off…..and painting them back on…..seems like a lot of effort to look insane
ME:…..My memory is so bad
FRIEND:….How bad is it?
ME:….How bad is what?
THE FOOD PRICES…..are about to have a lot of people realizing…..why granny cooked the way she did
IT’S OK…..to not be ok…..and it’s ok…..to talk about it
I HATE IT…..when you can’t figure out how to operate…..the iPad and the resident tech expert is asleep……because he’s 5……and it’s past his bedtime
MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER…..once told me to read books…..that are the most damaged on the outside…..because you can tell by the damage…..it’s been read by a lot of people…..and there’s usually a great story on the inside…..this advice hasn’t failed me yet
YOU LET…..your bad days affect you too much……you don’t let your good days…..affect you enough…..fix that.
SOMEONE’S THERAPIST……knows about you…..
THEM:…..What do you do for a living?
ME:….My best…..I do my best
UNIVERSITY of FLORIDA…..removes Karl Marx study room……following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine
UNIVERSITY of FLORIDA STUDENT…..Karl Marx was a German philosopher and economist…..if you’re looking for a dangerous Russian-born philosopher…..who inspired oligarchies around the world…..that would be Ayn Rand
THE OTHER NIGHT……an Uber driver told me that after dark……he only does airport pickups……because no one coming off an airplane has a gun…..anyway, congrats America
THE FITNESS TRAINER ASKED ME….. “What kind of a squat are you accustomed to doing”…..I said….. “Diddly”
IMAGINE…..walking into heaven…..and someone yells….. “I KNOW YOU LYING!”
IS IT JUST ME…..or does it feel like the years…..2020, 2021 and 2022…..were written by Stephen King…..directed by Quentin Tarantino…..with a soundtrack by…..Yoko Ono?
AND MY FAVORITE…..
FACT……the age of the universe is…..13.82 billion years……earth is 4.54 billion years…..mankind is 200,000 years……God concept is 10,000 years…..mother of God is 8,000 years…..Hinduism is 6,000 years…..Zoroastrianism is 4,000 years…..Judaism is 4,000 years……Jainism is 2,600 years……Buddhism is 2,600 years…..Confucianism is 2,500 years…..Taoism is 2,400 years…..Christianity is 2,000 years…..Islam is 1,200 years…..Sikhism is 400 year old…..shiridi Sai baba cult is 100 year old…..various Gods are created by man at various periods in time…..therefore,…..God is man’s creation