SO, WHAT’S HAPPENED WHILE I WAS SICK….Syrians are still blowing each other up….Iran denies shipping arms to militants in Somalia…Tunisia is back to square one after political killing…Egypt is still stuck in the Square because 35 different political parties can’t agree on a damn thing…more gun deaths in the U.S….Mother Nature is still pissed off (rock slides, mud slides, electric slide.)
NORTH KOREA IS STILL THREATENING THE WORLD WITH ROCKETS…I’ve seen bottle rockets go further than that junk they’re sending up there.
4 ALABAMA FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARRESTED FOR ROBBERY AND FRAUD…Classic example of educated stupidity.
LA COP KILLER DIES IN A FIRE…I guess the LAPD said, “Let’s try that Waco idea.”
ISLAMIC CLERICS SEEK DIALOGUE WITH NEW POPE…Now that’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time.
THE OLYMPICS WILL DROP WRESTLING….Wasn’t that one of the original events from day one?…I’m going to miss two grown men groping each other while they wear tight skimpy nylon suits and roll around on the floor.
OJ SIMPSON THROWS SUPER BOWL PARTY….All of you who give a shit raise your hand… thought so.
I KNOW I’M LATE ON THIS ONE BUT…Louisville vs Notre Dame basketball game was one of “THE” best played in the NCAA tournament so far….the ND bench said we will not lose this game…..it took them 5-OT’s but they did it.
DRONE BASES IN U.S. CITIES…So besides the eyes in the sky watching us, we have CCTV, we can be watch through our computers, TV’s, ATM machines, our personal data can be hacked in a nano-second, strip searches are legal now, you almost have to go through airport security naked and everyone has a Smartphone which can record and transfer data to anything and anyone….kinda makes you feel like never leaving your home….Orwell is alive and well.
SINGER KE$HA GROSSEST DRINKS URINE….When I’m on stage and my throat dries up I usually drink water…..but hey!
DONALD TRUMP CALLS BEYONCE’S HALFTIME SHOW “RIDICULOUS AND NOT APPROPRIATE”….Your haircut is “Ridiculous and Not Appropriate”….get a life.
MATT DAMON IS GOING ON A PEE STRIKE TO SAVE TOILET WATER….Boy that’s gonna hurt.
THE ROYAL FAMILY IS UPSET OVER THE PRINTING OF KATE’S PREGNANT BIKINI PICS…She’s a public figure for Christ sakes…if you don’t want her photographed then lock her up in The Tower of London for the next few months…Geeezz!
HOSPITAL GRANTED REQUEST FOR NO BLACK NURSES….Ok, so the father who has a tattoo of a swastika on his arm doesn’t want an African-American nurse taking care of his newborn….that poor child is lost already.
SAUDI WOMEN TAKE SEATS IN SHURA COUNCIL….Finally…that’s a big step for a country which won’t allow women to drive cars.
GERMAN COURT EXPANDS SCOPE OF GAY ADOPTION….If a child has a chance for a better life…why not!
NUDISTS VISIT “NAKED MEN” EXHIBIT AT VIENNA MUSEUM…And where did they carry their wallets so they could pay the admission charge?
OSCAR PISTORIUS THOUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS A BURGLAR…So you shot through a locked bathroom door four times??…dude, she was sitting on the toilet!
DO JERUSALEM ARTICHOKES CAUSE DIARRHEA?….Well, like my man in the Little Rascals said; “It might choke Arti but it won’t choke Stimey!”
8 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT COPERNICUS…Now some of you just said, “WHO?”…he is considered the father of modern astronomy and argued that the Earth does revolve around the sun….later on he thought it didn’t.
WHAT’S THE AVERAGE AMERICAN PORN STAR LOOK LIKE….Your average American porn star is likely to be a brown-haired California-born woman named Nikki..well, that’s what Jon Millward says (since he’s the one who spent his time and money on this stupid crap).
SHOULD WE PROHIBIT GENETICALLY ENGINEERED BABIES?…..Anyone wanna touch this question?
HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO…What the hell is a Honey Boo Boo?
MARY J BLIGE HAS MONEY PROBLEMS…She had a note on her door for not paying her rent, New Jersey filed a $901,769 lien against her, she and her husband defaulted on a $2.2 million dollar loan from Signature Bank and they want the $58,000 interest, TD Bank is suing because of non-payment of a $250,000 loan and the women’s net worth is over $45 million….sorry but I don’t get it!