MISSISSIPPI FARMERS MARKET SIGN….. “HO MADE APPLE BUTTER”
WOMEN GROW RADICAL WITH AGE…..one day an army of gray-haired women….may quietly take over the earth
AS AN AUSTRALIAN…. I find it odd that Ocasio-Cortez, Omar, Pressley and Tlaib are seen as the “far left”….when they’re just fighting for things that,…well pretty much every other developed country has had for years
THE BIBLE TELLS US….to love our neighbors….and also to love our enemies….probably because they are generally…..the same people
MELLENNIAL & GEN-Z….. “I’m so offended”
BOOMER…. “Who gives a shit?”
THE BEST CANDY SHOP…..a child can be left in….is the library
GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT….for the days you made it….when you thought you couldn’t
STOP MEASURING DAYS…..by degrees of productivity….and start experiencing them by degrees of presence
THEY TOLD US….that our ancestors added nothing to civilization….because they weren’t civilized….yet, their museums are filled with stolen treasures from all over Africa….made in the image and likeness of our African ancestors
I MIGHT TRUST THE MEDIA AGAIN…..when they give Ghislaine Maxwell’s case….just as much media attention they gave….Kyle Rittenhouse case…..so, basically….never!
DON’T….sell grandma’s house and don’t sell granddaddy’s land….they spent their whole lives paying for those assets….so that your children would always own the place they called home
MY WIFE ASKED…..if she could have some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner….so I took the battery out of the smoke alarm
ACCEPT….people for who they are….but place them where they belong
WATCH THE TAPES….of the insurrectionist rioting at the US Capitol…..watch that crowd….that told Colin Kaepernick…..he can’t kneel during a football game….try to beat a police officer to death…..with an American flag
MY LUCK…..is like a bald guy…..who just won a comb
HERE’S MY TAKE ONE HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS….If I haven’t contacted you in the past 20 years….there’s probably a good reason
I’M NOT A CACTUS EXPERT…..but I know a prick when I see one
THE CLOSER CHRISTMAS COMES….the more I realize….them kids don’t look like me
WIFE:….My aerobics instructor says I have the chest of a 23-year-old
HUSBAND:….What did he say about your 60-year-old ass?
WIFE:….We never mentioned you
SOME DAYS….will bring you peace….some days will give you wisdom….other days will ask you to fight for the life you want….show up for all of them
YOU EVER LOOK AT SOMEONE…..and get a headache?
CALL ME…..when they acquit a 17-year-old Black defendant who was armed with an AR-15….and killed two people at a Trump rally in “self-defense”…until then….sorry if it’s hard to believe….there is anything close to a level justice field
DON’T GET ME STARTED….cause I ain’t got no brakes
I FORGIVE A LOT….but I never forget what was said and done
ALIEN ASSESMENT AND EVALUATION OF THE PLANET CALLED EARTH:
“Last month they were lobotomizing pumpkins….this month they were shoving shit up a turkey’s ass….this planet has serious issues Bert.”
AND MY FAVORITE…..
IF YOU BEGIN THE FILM DIE HARD….at 9;57:10….on New Year’s Eve…..Hans Gruber will reach the ground floor at Nakatomi Plaza….at exactly on midnight….to ring in the New Year
DEFINITELY MY OTHER FAVORITE…..(We would not be having this conversation….if I’d done this)
A week ago…my Mother-in-law began reading “The Exorcist”…..she said it was the most evil book she had ever read…..so evil in fact, she couldn’t finish it….took it over to the beach….and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier….I went and bought another copy….ran the faucet over it….and left it in the night table drawer by her bed…..I’m going to hell!