….Now see….I’ve been having this debate with lots of humans so now I’ll ask you something…..who’s smarter….the dog or us?….If you tell a dog to sit, stay, speak, roll over, etc….what does the dog do?….Right all of that…..but if a dog comes to you and says, “woof, woof, arf, woof”…..you don’t even know what the dog said right?…..so, who’s smarter?
MAN FOUND DECIPITATED-POLICE SUSPECT SUICIDE….The man’s hands and feet were tied….so explain this to me as if I were a four-year-old!
KIM, KANYE WEST’S BABY NAME REVEALED….. “North?”….you named your kid North West?…..you’re kidding me right?….Kanye must’ve been smoking a blunt and watching a Hitchcock film when he came up with that one.
LAUGHING GAS DOESN’T BOOST HEART ATTACK RISK…Ok…but it sure makes a lot of stupid stuff seem funnier.
BOYFRIEND STABBED TO DEATH WITH STILETTO HEEL….Whew…..I’m glad Nicole loves flip-flops.
SCIENTIST FIND PROOF PLANTS ARE CAPABLE OF COMPLEX MATH….Damn…now why didn’t I bring some grass to Algebra class in high school….wait a minute!
A ZAP TO THE BRAIN MAKES YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE MORE ATTARCTIVE….A zap to the brain would make Earthworms attractive.
INTERGALACTIC CURRENCY COMING SOON….Great!….So the next time I’m in Sector 4Z-50P in the Rectumia Galaxy I can stop in that bar called “Butt’s” and have a beer and won’t have to pay in Euros.
WHAT’S THE MOST INTERESTING EVENT YOU SAW LIVE….Easy….the birth of my sons….nothing’s gonna top that!
7 GAMES PEOPLE PLAYED IN COLONIAL AMERICA…..1-Try not to freeze to death….2-Dodging Indians…..3-Growing Corn…..4-Who want to be a OB/GYN….5-Let’s marry your cousin…..6-How to build a Log Cabin…..7-What for Thanksgiving?
NO IQ TEST NECESSARY TO BE IN CONGRESS….Ain’t that the truth.
HOW ALL 50 STATES GOT THEIR NAMES….The Founding Father’s where sitting in a bar in Philly, getting drunk and John Hancock slurred something and they said, “Yeah, Mississippi sounds good!”
WHEN IS A COUP NOT A COUP?….When you accidently spell “Cup?”
DRAG QUEENS IN STAGE BRAWL AT PERU PAGENT…..Now that had to be fun to watch.
CRASH COW: ANIMAL ON GARAGE ROOF PLUNGE….Anyone wondering how the cow got on the roof in the first place?…..me too!
TEACHER QUITS TO BECOME A POLE DANCER….And the pay is probably better.
AND OFF TO THE WORLD OF THE STUPID….
Sorry,…..they took a break today!….oh, wait a minute!
Man 82, caught slashing tires of a woman who took his favorite seat at Bingo
Woman loses eyesight after her cat licks her
Lynch mob beats man to death for beheading boy as a sacrifice for the Hindu god of death
North Dakota baseball team members suspended after alleged sexual act with a sandwich
Man who led cops on high-speed car chase tries to flee on a skateboard
Country music consultant says it isn’t his fault women are tomatoes (?)
You can become less sexist and racist while you sleep
Swedish band release album via App that will only play if the listener is in a forest
Rape charges filed against Princeton’s “Friendly the Clown”
Man jumps into bear pen at zoo, fights bear and loses
Local Council accidentally puts thousands of marijuana plants along city flowerbed
ANDY MURRY TRIUMPHS IN HISTORIC WIMBELDON WIN…And it only took 77 years for someone from England to win again…the last time a player for England won….the Spanish Civil War started, Jessie Owens embarrassed Hitler and Gone With The Wind was published.
BRAZIL REFEREE BEHEADED AFTER STABBING PLAYER….Ok…go grab a cup of coffee while I explain this one….so,…the ref stabbed the player because he wouldn’t leave the field….what happened to red cards?….the fans were so upset they stormed the field and stoned the ref…but they weren’t satisfied….I don’t know if they gathered in a huddle or texted each other but they came up with this idea….they cut him up into pieces and put his head on a stake….the NFL replacement refs got off lucky!