“RINDFLEISCHETIKETTIERUNGSUEBERWACHUNGSAUFGABENUEBERTRAGUNGSGESTZ”…Go ahead…..say it!
10 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU WIN THE LOTTERY….1)….take care of your family..2)….change your home phone number…3)..change your e-mail….4)..flush your cell phone down the toilet….5)..get the hell off of Facebook….6)..take a vacation to a secluded island where the latest technology is a quacking duck….7)..tell all your friends you’re going to donate it all to the ASPCA…..8)..sit down with your partner and figure it all out….9)..have a “Get Out Of Debt” party for your best friends….10)…..MOVE!!
MAN WANTED FOR MURDER TRIES TO TURN HIMSELF IN: POLICE SAY WE’RE CLOSED:….Only in Sweden!
FORCED PROSTITUTION OF WOMEN FOR USE BY JAPANESE SOLDIERS DURING WORLD WAR II WAS NECESSARY CLAIMS MAYOR OF OSAKA…He says it was necessary to maintain discipline in the ranks and provide rest for the soldiers who risked their lives in battle….. over 200,000 women were forced into prostitution…..Really?…….well I hope your mother was one of them.
PLANE PASSENGER EJECTED FOR NON-STOP SINGING OF WHITNEY HOUSTON SONGS…..On a 7 hour International flight with me…..I would’ve shoved her butt in the bowl with the blue water and flushed her ass over the Atlantic.
KANYE WEST $750,000 LAMBORGHINI HIT BY KIM KARDASHIAN’S ELECTRIC FRONT GATE….What is it with this dude?…..does he attract metal?….first a Stop sign bust him upside his head and now a gate attacks him….he better stay out of the kitchen because flying knives and forks and pans ain’t no joke!
MAN ARRESTED FOR HAVING SEX USING HIS MIND…..WHAT???…..do you know how many men would be in jail if you could really do that?
PILOT RETURNS FROM TOILET BREAK AND FINDS THE COCKPIT DOOR LOCKED…..Not good….not good!
DRUNK WOMAN JUMPS INTO CREEK TO SAVE DUCKS….Yeah,….she was drunk!
25,000 GUEST SHOW UP FOR LAVISH JEWISH WEDDING…Man that must’ve freaked out the caterer…..she probably came out of the kitchen, looked out into the audience and said;………… “OH HELL NO!”
BRITISH BUSINESSMAN DISAPPEARS IN TOKYO….Don’t worry..…he’s probably drunk off of Sake and singing “God Save The Queen” in a Karaoke bar.
HARVARD HAS A CLUB FOR STUDENTS WHO LIKE STRANGE SEX…..And to think you have to pay so much tuition to get kinky when it’s cheaper to fly to Amsterdam.
MICHAEL DOUGLAS: ORAL SEX CAUSE MY CANCER….As if!…..if that were true, cancer hospitals would have lines around the block….I hope his wife slapped the you know what out of him.
DENNIS RODMAN CLAIMS LeBRON JAMES WOULD’VE BEEN “JUST AN AVERAGE PLAYER IN THE 80’S AND 90’S”…..For once I agree with this knucklehead….Jordan, Ewing, Robinson, Barkley, Drexler, Magic, Bird, Gary and Detlef from Seattle….his butt would’ve been on the bench and he never would’ve made the “1st Dream Team.”
VETERINARIAN PUSHES FOR MEDICAL MARIJUANA FOR PETS….Ok….so now you’re going to teach a Gerbil how to hit a Bong?
GERMAN BANK EMPLOYEE FALLS ASLEEP ACCIDENTLY TRANSFERS MILLIONS….Damn….I wish he or she had our account number.
NAKED TEEN MISSING, LAST SEEN TAKING “SPIRITUAL JOURNEY” WITH FANNY PACK….And I know you all are saying to yourselves…. “What in the hell is in the Fanny Pack?”
ALLEN IVERSON FACING PRISON OVER $40,000 IN UNPAID CHILD SUPPORT….Guess he wasn’t making too much money in the Turkish Basketball league…..wait!…wouldn’t they pay him in Lira anyway?…..he’s screwed!
WIFE FINDS HUSBAND WITH ANOTHER WOMAN-THROWS HER OFF A CLIFF….DAAMMMM!….Chris Tucker damn….and here’s the funny part…..the one being cheated on always gets mad at the wrong person….she should’ve thrown her husband off the cliff.
“MARIJUANA MOMS” SAY SMOKING WEED MAKES THEM BETTER PARENTS….You know…..I’ll tell you what….do your own check on them and then we’ll talk…..but I will say this….I’d rather have a mom who smokes a blunt than one who is drunk 24/7 or takes drugs.