(COMPUTER): Enter Password
CUZ: Password
(COMPUTER): Password is incorrect
CUZ: Incorrect
(COMPUTER): Try again
CUZ: again
(COMPUTER): Please try again later
CUZ: again later
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……SIS and SISTA…..Apt…..555
SIS: What’s wrong with you?….you haven’t moved from the sofa in three days
SISTA: I’m trapped on a fitness relocation plan
SISTA: How was the corporate world today?
SIS: 6,600 languages in the world….and some people still want to talk shit
SIS: What are you doing?
SISTA: This Christmas I’ve decided to put mistletoe in my back pocket
SIS: Why?
SISTA: So that all the people who don’t like me….can kiss my ass
SIS: “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells….jingle all the way….come on, join me
SISTA: Not sure I can jingle all the way….some of the way and then I’m gonna need a nap
SIS: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day
SISTA: The most important meal is the one you eat…..before drinking so you don’t get too drunk too early
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……SON and DAD…..Apt. 719
SON: Hey dad, a blue whale’s poo can weigh as much as 4 tons
DAD: Wow, that makes it the second largest piece of crap in the world…..just behind Donald Trump
DAD: Well Dad, it’s that time of the year….when everybody is talking about the man who flies through the air…..to visit children all over the world.
SON: Who, Jeffery Epstein?
DAD: Ah, Santa.
MY NEW NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS……DAUGHTER and MOM……Penthouse 1……
DAUGHTER: What’s wrong with you?
SON: I need a tattoo and a baby dragon
DAUGHTER: Not a 6-year-olds day today huh?
BIBLE SISTER: “Don’t be afraid”…..is written in the Bible 365 times…..a daily reminder from God to live everyday fearlessly
MOM: The word “Kill” is written 419 times….I’m not sure I want to use the same logic
DAUGHTER: UGH!!
MOM: And what is your problem my love?
DAUGHTER: You have no idea what it’s like to be me
MOM: You’re right…..I’ve never cried over a WiFi outage….while wearing $200 dollar shoes I didn’t pay for.
DAUGHTER: Ah, excuse me, but to quote Plato….. “Don’t force your children into your ways….they were created for a time different from your own”
MOM: Really?….well to quote your grandmother…. “I brought your ass into this world….and I’ll take you out.”
MOM (hanging up the telephone): I just received a weird call from Kelly’s mom
DAUGHTER: Oh, really?…..how was her day?
MOM: I’m not sure….she never wants you to ever associate with her daughter….for the rest of your entire existing life.
DAUGHTER: What did I do????
MOM: Did you suggest to Kelly something her mother should do…or at least try?
DAUGHTER: Yeah, I said hiking in your 40’s is a great way to meet people…..since her mom is single.
MOM: And she took your advice
DAUGHTER: And was it good advice?
MOM: Oh yeah it worked…..she met some people
DAUGHTER: Wonderful….whom did she meet?
MOM: 2 paramedics….3 nurses….a cardiologist….and almost Jesus.
DAUGHTER: Mom, why did you pick medicine as a profession?
MOM: When I was young and decided to go to medical school…..at the entrance exam….we were asked to rearrange the letters….. “PNEIS”
DAUGHTER: No way….what happened?
MOM: We had to form the name of an important human body part….which is most useful when erect.
DAUGHTER: You have got to be kidding me.
MOM: Yep….and those who answered SPINE…..are doctors and nurses….while the rest are probably on Facebook.
DAUGHTER: That’s funny
MOM: Not really
DAUGHTER: Why?
MOM: Because some future doctors will be using ChatGPT…..to pass medical school, so my advice to you….start eating healthier
DAD: Good morning beautiful
DAUGHTER: I’m not beautiful…..my hairs not done and I don’t have any makeup on
DAD: Exactly!