BEING GAY…..is like being left-handed…..some people are…..some people aren’t and nobody really knows why….it’s not right or wrong….its just the way things are
HOW AM I…..supposed to forget you…..when every time I go outside….I see things that remind me of you….like garbage and dog shit
SOMETIMES….I like to tell people….. “I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are”…..and then watch their face….as they try to determine if it was a compliment or not
BEFORE MEDITATION:….I want to kill someone
AFTER MEDITATION:….I know whom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY….to everyone for the rest of your lives….I can’t do this anymore
MY WIFE…..just threw away bubble wrap….without popping it…..just like that…..I’m married to a psychopath
SOME DAYS I WONDER…if my kids will remember the mom….who baked, cuddled and loved them….or the overstimulated psycho
TO MY ENEMIES….may your socks always be wet
BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP….is about solving problems together….problems you would not have if you were single
I WILL NEVER….be old enough to know better…seriously….never, ever
DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING FOR LATER…..later…the coffee gets cold….later….you lose interest…..later…..the day turns into night…..later…..people grow up…..later….people grow old…..later…..life goes by…..later…..you regret not doing something…..when you had the chance to
I’VE OFTEN WONDERED….what people have against….the horse I rode in on
I’M NOT…easily offended….but I am easily annoyed
LIFE DOESN’T GIVE….free lessons to anyone….so when I say life taught me….rest assured that I paid the price
STOP WORRYING ABOUT….being weird….start being weirder
I’M AT THE AGE….where I recognize more songs at the supermarket….than I do on the radio
I SAW A LIST….of the top 10 most dangerous professions……and I was surprised husband didn’t make the list
ONE OF THE JOYS….of adulthood is finding new ways….to sneak alcohol into events intended for children
MAY THE 5th…..be with you because…..whiskey is better than Star Wars
MY WIFE….was sad so I showed her my boobs…..apparently that doesn’t work both ways
I STARTED WORKING OUT AGAIN TODAY…..and immediately remembered why I quit
YOU CAN FORGIVE PEOPLE….and still keep them out of your house…..forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to open the door again
AND MY FAVORITE…..
IF I COULD GIVE….one piece of advice to the next generation…..it would be to not separate yourselves….into little groups of division…..branch out and experience all side of the tracks….learn for yourself how others live….and you will know that none of us are really that different