PETS….are great companions…..of if you want to trip and die…..while moving room to room
INSTEAD OF SAYING…. “You’re a cheater”….say….thou is completely impotent at such festivities…..that thy individual has to preposterously…..escape the demise of a sufferable defeat
I DON’T KNOW WHO HOLLY IS….but the desire of her enemies….to deck the halls with her bowels….indicates she must be a fierce warrior indeed
THEM: You need to control your anger
ME: You need to STFU
I WAS SAD…..but then I ordered some new clothes….I’m ok now
I’D WALK THROUGH….fire for the one I love….well, not actually fire….because that’s dangerous….but a super humid room….but not too humid because of my hair
LINE DANCING….was created by women….waiting to use the bathroom
ANYONE….want to meet up later and just scream?….we can get food later….and maybe a beer
I’M EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE….at home….avoiding people
FACEBOOK…..keeps notifying me of people’s birthdays….like I bake cakes or something
PEASANT: I cannot pay….these taxes are unfair
LORD: You talk a lot of shit….for someone with such a flammable house
JESUS: Mom, where do babies come from?
JOSEPH: Yeah Mary, where “DO” babies come from?
I’M KINDA GLAD….you only live once…..because I ain’t doing this shit again
MY SON ASKED….if a punch bowl is where you keep the names of people you want to punch…..I usually keep them in my head….but storing them in decorative crystal seems really classy
I SPOTTED…an albino dalmatian this morning…..it was the least I could do for him
IF YOU WANT….to reach a large audience….appeal to idiots
KHLOE KARDASHIAN…..works out 3 times a day….changed her face 10 times…..and still got cheated on…..so, I’m gonna sit here and eat all these ribs
IF I SING…. “Hello” and you think of Lionel Richie…..and not Adele….than you can probably predict the weather….with one of your knees
AND MY FAVORITE……
IF YOU EVER THINK….that English in not a weird language…..just remember that read and lead rhyme…..and read and lead rhyme….but read and lead don’t rhyme….and neither does read and lead