I REMEMBER…..when Lil Debbie cakes were 50 cents…..now Big Deborah….wants $2 dollars

I NO LONGER DISLIKE….Mondays….I dislike the whole damn week

I CAN’T BE….the only one that pauses the music…..to see if the siren….is in the song or behind me

MY AGE IS WEIRD…..some get married…..others get pregnant….and I watch cartoons while eating

SIX WEEKS…..into this dictatorship…..and I’m using F++K…..like it’s a comma

ME: Alexa what’s the weather like this weekend?

ALEXA: Doesn’t matter….you ain’t got no money to go anywhere

WHATEVER…..I do while I’m drink….ain’t got shit to do with me

SOMEONE NEEDS….to open an investigation into the Republican party….to find out if they have any ties to America

YOU’RE DATING SOMEBODY’S EX….somebody is dating your ex….your ex is dating somebody’s ex….in this life….we are all X-men

GO FOR IT….whether it ends good or bad….it was an experience

I MISSSPELLED “I’M UNSTOPPABLE”…..and my phone autocorrected to….. “I’m unstable”….and honestly..….that’s fair

I MAY BE UGLY….but I can wash my face in public…..and have the same eyebrows

I JUST FOUND OUT….it doesn’t matter how early I go to bed….I still don’t want to go to work

IF I WAS SKINNY….and mentally stable….I’d be unstoppable….y’all lucky….I’m squishy and fkn nuts

I DEEPLY BELIEVE….that “HAPPINESS”….makes a woman prettier…..it’s a undeniable glow

DEAR LORD….put the gas I have in my stomach…..in my car…..amen

FROM NOW ON….when people ask why I’m not in a relationship…..I’ll
  just say….it’s the supply chain

I WAS IN….psychology class yesterday….and I couldn’t stop laughing about how stupid Pavlov’s dogs were….then the bell rang……and we all had lunch

WHEN I WIN THE LOTTERY….The first thing I’m gonna buy…..is a pot to piss in….I always wanted one of those

SPENDING MONEY….on disappointing food….is a different type of pain

PAPER PLATES….have nothing to do with struggling….I just don’t like doing dishes…..I wish I could use paper pots

NOBODY SIGHS LOUDER….than an unemployed…..debt free dog….who spends at least….16 hours a day sleeping

MY DEGREE….is just for decoration…..I still want a rich husband

I CAME, I SAW….I forgot what I was doing….retracted my steps….got distracted on my way back….have no idea what’s going on….and now I have to pee

AND MY FAVORITE…..

DON’T EVER…..put me in a situation…..where I have to step out of character…..because I will show you some colors….you didn’t know came in the crayon box