SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES…..they have no real purpose…..but they make you smile…..when you push them down a flight of stairs
MY MORNING ROUTINE INCLUDES…..10 minutes of sitting on the bed…..and thinking about how tired I am
STARTING TODAY…..whatever life throws at me…..I’m ducking so it hits someone else
DEAR OUTSIDE WORLD…..please accurately document our history over the next 4 years…..because it will not be accurately documented from within
BUT YOU….. “can’t hide at home forever”…..sounds like the easiest…..most enjoyable challenge ever thrown at my feet
SOMETIMES WHEN I’M MAD…..at my husband…..I look at him through a fork…..to remind myself that being behind bars….isn’t the life for me
IT’S SAD….when somebody you know…..becomes somebody you knew
AND THEN I WAS LIKE….I’m just going to pour myself a bottle of wine……and call it a day
MY CO-WORKER IS GOING TO CHINA….by herself……and when I asked her why by yourself…..she said…. “If I wait on people to travel with me….I’ll never go anywhere”…..and that really hit me
WHEN ATHEISTS….support the Bishop….who speaks like Jesus….and the “Christians” want her deported….you know something’s up
THE BIBLE….doesn’t say a thing about what Jesus…..was doing between the ages of 12 and 30…..leading many researchers to ask….. “What was Jesus doing during his lost years?”
APPARENTLY…..Elon is upset that folks started calling Tesla…..Swasti-cars.
SOMETIMES…..I check my cleavage and think “WOW”….that’s where the rest of my cookie went
A WHOLE LOT OF YOU…..would’ve snitched on Anne Frank….hiding her and her family was illegal too
WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY….take a deep breath….and count to 10…..and then throw a punch at 8….no one ever expects that
LIFE IS NOT….like a fairytale….if you lose a shoe at midnight…..you’re drunk
MY LIFE….is a series of WTF moments….separated by snacks
THE PROBLEM WITH….being empathetic…..is that you feel sorry for assholes too
IF YOU NEED….to leave a voice message….please keep it short…..it’s a voice message…..not a podcast
TODAY I STARTED….a 28 day no swearing challenge….which I will restart tomorrow
THEY SAID….I could be anything….so I became a problem
IF YOU EAT AN ENTIRE CAKE….without cutting it….you technically only had one piece
AND MY FAVORITE…..
WHAT IS AN ATHEIST?……An atheist is just somebody….who feels about Yahweh the way any decent Christian feels about Thor…..or Bael….or the Golden Calf…..as had been said before….we are all atheists…..about most of the gods…..that humanity has ever believed in…..some of us just go one god further