I WOULD RATHER….sleep on an air mattress filled with Legos….than have you back in my life
TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED….cuss that person out today
NOT EVERYONE…realizes this….but if you clean the pile of receipts out of your purse….and stack them together….it makes a teeny book on why you’re broke
GLAD TO SEE…so many embracing therapy….a few of you need an exorcism as well but….baby steps
PLEASE DON’T CHEAT ON ME….I’m mentally not okay…..I’ll dig up yo grandma…..and use her as a Halloween decoration
TO ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES….congratulations…..on getting through the easiest part of your life
HIGHWAY ROAD SIGN: 100 is the temperature….not the speed limit
A PAPER CUT….is a tree’s final revenge
SIGN IN A BAR:….If you’re drinking to forget….please pay in advance
THE PEOPLE WHO CONFUSED…..the Last Supper……with Greek Mythology…..are the same people…..who want to eliminate the Department of Education
SOMETIMES….you have to give out false information…..to see who the leak is
WOMEN….don’t owe the world children….women don’t owe men babies….and they don’t owe you an explanation
THERE IS NO CRISIS….in life that some form of potato can’t solve
UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE….always wanna fight….go punch a clock and knockout 8 hours
WHY DOES IT TAKE ME….452 snacks….to realize that I just need to eat dinner
I WILL…..restart the entire song….if you talk over my favorite part
I’M NOT AS MEAN….as I could be…..and I want people to be more grateful for that
HE WON’T….show us his ear…..for the same reason….he didn’t show us his tax returns
FACT CHECKERS…..didn’t exist…..until the truth started coming out
HOW DOPE….would it be if our kids….could tell their kids….that they changed the world by ending racism?
I WOULD LIKE….to thank my middle finger…..for always sticking up for me…..when I needed it
ALWAYS GET YOUR WIFE A SNACK…..at the gas station….if you think to yourself….. “Maybe she doesn’t want a snack”…..I’m telling you that you’re wrong….just get the woman a snack
AMERICA….sure is having some bad luck….it’s almost like….it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
NONE OF THE MONEY….raised for Kamala will be used to pay her legal fees…..unlike the other guy
AND MY FAVORITE……
ELON MUSK….makes $16,000,000 an hour…..and pays less in taxes than you…..Jeff Bezos makes $4,200,000 an hour…..and pays less in taxes than you…..Mark Zukerberg makes….$4,000,000 an hour….and pays less in taxes than you…..you should be mad at THIS….not critical race theory