WINE…..is cheaper…..than therapy
NOT TO BRAG…..or anything….but I can forget what I’m doing…..while I’m doing it
I THINK….some of the best memories…..always remain unphotographed
A WINNER….is just a loser…..who tried one more time
I WISH….more people…..were fluent in silence
WAR ITSELF….is of course….a form of madness….it’s hardly a civilized pursuit….it’s amazing how we spend so much time inventing devices to kill each other….and so little time working on how to achieve peace
WHY…..don’t food trucks deliver?…..I mean,…..they’re already in a truck
IF MY PERSONALITIES OFFEND YOU….I’m sure one of them…..can tell you where to go
MARRIAGE: An endless sleepover….with your favorite weirdo
ALWAYS REMEMBER: Never make snow angels…..in a dog park
I SPEAK MY MIND…..because it hurts to bite my tongue
THINGS THAT TELL THE TRUTH: Small children….drunk people….and yoga pants
IF NO ONE….comes from the future to stop you from doing it…..then how bad of a decision can it be?
BEING POPULAR ON FACEBOOK….is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria…..at a mental hospital
SOMETIMES….I like to mess with my husband….and hide his stuff where he can’t find it…..like I put his shoes in the closet….his jacket on a hanger….and his keys on the key hook
I MAY BE LATE….for a lot of places…..but the airport is not one of them
IF YOU HAVE THE POWER…..to turn another planet into Earth…..then you have the power….to turn Earth….back into Earth
I THINK….therefore I need no religion
I DON’T KNOW WHY….chickens start their day with screaming….but I understand
THEY SAY…. “Don’t try this at home”….so I’m coming over to your house to try it
WHEN YOU COME…..from the era of The Beatles….Pink Floyd….James Brown and Led Zeppelin…..it’s hard to get excited about…..Ed Sheeran, Kanye…..and Justin Beiber
HISTORY LESSON 101…..Before being burned alive by the Spaniards…..chief Hatuey of the island of Hispanola was asked….if he wanted to accept Christianity and go the Heaven…..Hatuey asked if Spaniards go the heaven….to which the priest said that they do….Hatuey then stated that he’d rather go the Hell….where he wouldn’t see such cruel people
ALWAYS PLAN….for the fact that….no plan….ever goes according to plan
WE WOULD BE….2,000 years ahead….if it hadn’t been for the church dragging science back….and burning our best minds at the stake
I CAN’T DECIDE…..if people who wear pajamas in public….have given up on life….or are living it to the fullest
IT IS TIME FOR MARTYRS NOW….and if I am to become one….it will be for the cause of brotherhood….that’s the only thing that can save this country”…..Malcolm X February 19th 1965….(He was murdered two days later)
HE WROTE…. “Your adorable”…..I responded,….. “No, you’re adorable”…..now he thinks I like him….when all I did was point out his grammatical error
AND MY FAVORITE:
DONALD TRUMP JOB INTERVIEW…..
HR:…..So let me get this straight….you got fired from a top executive job because you did a poor job…..the company immediately hired a new top executive….and you couldn’t handle that…..you were so angry.…you refused to leave….you called all your friends to come and vandalize the workplace….when you did leave….on your way out of the office you took a lot of the company’s confidential documents….and when you got caught you refused to give them back….and now you’re reapplying for the same job….with the same company?
AND MY OTHER FAVORITE….
MY COUSIN HAS TWO TICKETS….for the 2024 Super Bowl in Las Vegas….both box seats….he paid $2,500 for each ticket…..but he didn’t realize last year when he bought them….it was going to be on the same day as his wedding…..if you’re interested….he’s looking for someone to take his place….it’s at the Methodist Church in St. Marys, Ohio at 3pm…..her name is Ann Rogers….she is 5’6”…..about 140 lbs….and she’s a good cook….she’ll be the one in the white dress.