PLEASE DO NOT PUT…..in my obituary……that I was loved by all my friends and family…..no I wasn’t
I LOVE GOSSIP ABOUT ME….there’s so much I didn’t know about myself
IF YOU WISH….to know how civilized a culture is…..look at how they treat women….(Bacha Khan)
MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY…..is my back not hurting
CHRISTIANITY…..should sound like…. “I am committed to deepening my love for others and seeking their best”….NOT….. “I am obsessed with how others are not conforming to my own personal beliefs…..and I must make them do so by any means necessary”
DON’T EVER….be ashamed of loving the strange things……that make your weird little heart happy
ADULTHOOD….is like looking both way before you cross the street…..and then getting hit by an airplane
A GUY JUST TOLD ME….. “loyal” women stay at home…..nah man,….loyal women stay loyal….no matter where they go
WORKING IN CUSTOMER SERVICE…..really makes you wonder….who raised these rude, entitled, mannerless people
I NEED EVERYONE….to wish me luck….I have a meeting at the bank later….and if all goes well….I will be out of debt soon……I’m so excited….I can barely put on my ski mask
MOM, I’M SORRY…..for all the dumb stuff I did when I was a kid…..if it helps….you only know about half of it
NEW CAKE PURCHASE POLICY:…..every cake request should begin with…. “I’m gay, and I need a marriage cake”…..wait for the response…..and if they’re accommodating…..then you can say….. “Actually, I need a birthday cake for my son….I just wanted to make sure you weren’t a piece of shit”
I CAN’T DECIDE….if I want to go off the grid….or off the rails
STOP…..dating people who only want to see you at night……you ain’t no roach
SOMETIMES….I wish a was an octopus…..so I could slap several people at once
TO THOSE WHO WATCH MY LIFE…..and gossip about it…..don’t give up…..season 2 is coming
UBER DRIVER ASKED ME….. “Do you have a man?”….I said, “I am a man”…..he’s been quiet ever since…..you ain’t about to kidnap me
THE WORLD…..is of course….nothing but our conception of it
ATHEISM IS PRETTY SIMPLE:….you tell me there is a God….I don’t believe your claim….if you want me to believe you…..it’s necessary for you to provide really good evidence…..that your God actually exist…..also, I don’t have to prove your God doesn’t exist…..if that were the case…..you too would have to prove that the God of every other religion doesn’t exist as well…..SEE?…..IT’S REALLY PRETTY SIMPLE!
MY NEIGHBORS…..complained about me groaning too loud having sex in the morning…..if they only knew….I’m just trying to put my socks on
SOMETIMES I WONDER……why I’m not in a mental asylum……then I look around and realize…..maybe I am?
I GET VERY ANNOYED….when people mix up…..there, their and they’re…..from now on….I’m going two point it out…..weather they like it or not
WHEN I ASK….how are you doing….please just say “Good”…..don’t start telling me stuff
SOMETIMES…..you don’t get what you want….because you deserve better
AND MY FAVORITE…..
IF YOU PUT…..100 black ants and 100 red ants in a jar……nothing will happen…..but if you shake the jar hard…..the ants will start killing each other…..the read ants will consider the black ants their enemies…..and the black ants will consider the red ants their enemies….the real enemy is the one who shakes the jar…..the same thing happens I human society…..so before we attack each other…..we should think about…..who is shaking the jar