THE PERFECT MUSICIAN…..DOES NOT…..mess up a song…..forget the lyrics…..miss a rehearsal…..actually exist

SPEAK WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY…..and you will make the best speech…..you will ever regret

SOME PEOPLE….say I’m crazy….if that’s true…..do you really think messing with me is a good idea?

MY FRIENDS…..may not be the brightest crayons in the box…..but I love them…..helmets and all

JUST REMEMBER…..if we get caught….you’re deaf…..and I don’t speak English

MY KIDS LAUGH…..because they think I’m crazy……I laugh….because they don’t know it’s hereditary

SOME DAYS…..you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots…..other days…..you realize it’s not just some days

A SOCIETY…..is not successful…..if prisons are its largest form of public housing

SOMETIMES…..I delete my own posts…..because I’m not the same person…..I was 4 minutes ago

JUST PONDERING: Where do people in Hell…..tell other people to go?

MY DEMONS…..would make your demons their bitch

I WAS…..ugly as hell in high school…..now look at me…..ugly as hell as an adult

IF I’M EVER KNOWN…..as the one that got away…..it will be from an asylum

THERE’S….nothing like a nice cold beer…..after a nice cold beer

IVE HAD…..my name mispronounced so many times…..I’m not even sure if I’ve been saying it correctly

IF MY KIDS…..gotta do active shooter drills……then your kids can handle a T-shirt…..with a rainbow on it

I’VE GOT ABOUT…..5 different personalities….you’re gonna get whoever wakes up first

FOR THE US POSTAL SERVICE…..to be so backed up…..these bills sure do get here on time every month

I HATE….two-faced people…..it makes it hard for me…..to decide which side to slap first

IF YOU LINE UP…..all your ex-lovers in a row…..you can see the flow chart…..of your mental illness

THERE ARE BELIEVERS……who say there are no atheists when a plane falls…..but the truth is…..that there is no prayer……that prevents the plane from falling

I’M AS…..broke as a tooth fairy…..in a house full of meth heads

CAN SOMEONE…..please update me on what’s offensive today…..it’s hard to keep up

SOMETIMES…..I think I seized that wrong fuckin’ day

IF I EVER GET MURDERED…..just know….I talked shit until the bitter end

I WAKE UP…..with a good attitude everyday…..then idiots happen

AND MY FAVORITE…..

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:…..Go see The Little Mermaid…..drink some Bud Light…..wear your Mickey Mouse ears……and read a banned book this weekend